10.30.12 Love

5 Tips For Dealing With Your Partner Looking At Other Women

5 Tips For Dealing With Your Partner Looking At Other Women

BY Sarah Prout

Men look at other women and it’s perfectly normal. However, many women feel uncomfortable and start fuming (read: steam billowing out of their ears) when they see their lover eye-balling a younger woman wearing a tight dress or bust them looking at the most ridiculously-themed porn. Have you seen some of that stuff? It’s seriously hilarious and I know you know what I’m talking about.

Here are some practical tips for dealing with this situation:

1. See it for what it is.
I think that the base cause of the feelings of discomfort for women when their partners look at other ladies can be insecurity and it’s really a pointless waste of your precious energy. From personal experience I can honestly say there have been times that my blood wanted to boil when I caught my partner mentally undressing a random woman in a restaurant, supermarket or in the post office. But the biological essence of the situation is that it means nothing. Literally nothing. It’s a fleeting surge that happens within the mind of the man and doesn’t mean he’s going to spontaneously sweep the attractive stranger off her feet and run away with her.

2. Jealousy is not very pretty.
Some men are better than others when it comes to taking a sneaky peek at a hottie. I know if I was a man I’d be pretty good at it I think. I’m pretty good at it now when I check out a man I find attractive.

The key point to remember here is that it’s about feeling worthy within yourself and not letting jealously rattle your cage. By comparing yourself to the woman you bust your partner looking at can be really upsetting and damaging to your
self-esteem if you let it.

3. Transform your fear into trust.
Just remember that it’s not an opportunity to question the special nature of your relationship or question your own unique attractiveness. Fear always attracts more fear so make sure that you approach any issues that make you feel
awkward with a sense of calm when you feel it’s necessary to discuss this with your partner.

Essentially, it’s all about empowerment: feeling comfortable in your own skin so it shouldn’t bother you whatsoever if your man checks out other women.

4. Invite your partner to channel the sexual energy towards you.
I opened a discussion to my boyfriend recently about this tpic as he felt slightly uncomfortable expressing to me that he indeed feels attracted to other women. I told him that this falls into the category of his own private conversation with the Universe and I don’t need to know everything. I also told him that the way I intend to view the situation is that I’m the lucky lady that gets to have all of that energy channelled into me (if you catch my drift) in the privacy and sanctity of our relationship.

5. Allow yourself to shine.
I’ve spent way too much of my life not feeling worthy and choosing to get grumpy over stupid, insignificant stuff. But I’m choosing NOW to be the best time ever to celebrate my own sexiness, my own beauty and my own ability to intend that I feel secure in all situations that arise. The key is alignment and moving away from fear based sense of false competition to allow the essence of our glorious expression as women to shine!

Sarah Prout is a bestselling author, co-founder of the Adventures In Manifesting series, entrepreneur, publisher and mumma of 2 little darlings. She reaches over 55,000 followers in over 24 countries around the globe with heartfelt, vibrant and empowering advice about love, business and style. Visit: SarahProut.com.

Sarah Prout is a bestselling author, co-founder of the Adventures In Manifesting series, entrepreneur, publisher and mumma of 2 little darlings. She reaches over 55,000 followers in over 24 countries around the globe with heartfelt, vibrant and empowering advice about love, business and style. See more of Sarah's work on her website.

Comments

  • Casey

    I’m not going to lie very insecure with myself. I know he glances at other girls and I yelled at him for it because I felt betrayed and insecure that maybe I wasn’t pretty enough and I really am in love with him, I’m almost positive he’s the one but I’m nervous that I’ll keep thinking of this because I have a hard time with myself. I don’t want to lose him over something seemingly so dumb, but I really don’t know how to come to terms with it and I wish I did. It just feels to me that I make sure not to take a look at any attractive men because I’m dedicated to mine and it’s hard because I’m not sure how he could do that. I want to whole heartedly forgive him, I always find ways to settle my feelings and love him more in the outset because of who he is and what he means to me, but this one I’m having a hard time with. I know the tips are right up there but I’m not sure if I can just flip a switch or something. He’s my everything and he says that he doesn’t want anyone but me, so I want to move on but I can’t put it out of my head until I come to terms with it and start to live myself more and I’m not sure how to do that :/

  • Quadcowgirl@yahoo.com

    When they completely turn around to check out another woman when your standing right next to him makes you feel insignificant !

  • Annie Haanstra

    Hi. I have been reading a lot of this since years now. And well, the fact I did not change my mind, and all the efford I made to be more mellow about this, wants me to comment right now.

    I thought I was wrong. And the only one. And now: I feel empowered.
    I always had this crazy idea: what if society is simply fucked up and I get punished for thinking otherwise?
    What if I cannot adjust without being hurt badly, myself?
    Having to suck it up, no matter what?

    I can so relate with the reaction from Paige.
    Not in the first place to agree to this topic: dealing with brain impulses that we call natural.
    No. I am suffering from a disorder called Borderline Personality Disorder.
    I am suffering from impulsives from my brain that are highly destructive.
    I am not going to discuss if this fucks a person up. It’s too broad and too complicated to do so.
    But I sure as hell know how it is to make choices. And how you can empower yourself to make different choices, rather then to stick with your ‘natural’ impulses.
    One of the reasons I cannot believe the excuse: “men are naturally wired to look and fuck around and can’t help it” is because I am wired to be selfdestructive, and I learned, I don’t have to.

    I always have been very wary about my role as a partner involved into a serious relationship. I never ever thought AND believed: I need men to be men. Boys be boys.
    It is exactly the same as me saying and believing: I have a disorder. I can use it as an excuse to do whatever I want. It’s just me.

    I feel for all of you struggling. I do.
    The only thing I can advise is: take your time to find out your true selve.
    Don’t let society determine.
    Your thoughts and feelings count.
    There is no article, no speech, nothing, that will determine your own self.
    Trust me: as a BPD’er, I had to force myself to become everything my brain is not.
    In order to survive.
    I have been told countless times: you won’t have any man loving you for this.
    And it’s not that I have to believe what they say: it’s all about what we believe we tell ourselves.

    If this male behavior goes straight against your believes: do not just buy it.
    Or do and learn to accept it.
    If you cannot and tried: listen to yourself.
    Women here: listen to yourself!
    I fully agree with most of them here: I feel the same: it’s NOT ok.
    I hate society here. it is teaching girls to be insecure and feel ugly to buy their products and believe their lies, and it teaches males to be a ‘man’ and go ahead: chase it!

    A woman does not need male attention to feel worthly. A woman feels she is worth it, due to own confidence. I truly believe that a woman does not need to dress sexy, revealing, nothing like it, to get the respect she craves.
    I believe: a woman should grave the one she is giving all of her. Her partner.
    And vice versa.
    We are not objects to be desired.
    But we do act and dress like it.
    And women can be as equally bad as males in this.
    And I hate it.
    Thank you women, all of you: doing so. Not only you are trying to seduce MY man, you are seducing all of men.
    Those who do should not complain imo. You do it to yourself. And worse: you drag others along.
    Men? Stop bullshitting yourselves and your women.
    If you cannot control yourself, ok. Then please, remain single until you can.
    A woman’s loyality is not something to be taken lightly.
    There are still “good girls” out there, not wanting you for your money or looks.
    Give them a chance too.

    It’s not about the whole battle of what is considered “normal”.
    Ladies, go ahead if you feel you need male attention to determine your self worth.
    Gents, go ahead if you feel you need other women to buy what they offer.
    Just leave us, the ones that want to be exclusive, alone.
    And there is one thing I have learned: it does not go either way.
    We live in a society that enables both behaviors.
    Thanks to all of you women: acting and dressing like a object to get that attention.
    And thank you all guys: for buying into that shit.

  • Kim Mortenson

    jealousy is not very pretty? Wow! Encouraging women to avoid expressing their feelings about HIS tacky behavior because it’s not “pretty” is almost as ugly as the ogling we are discussing. Be pretty….always……that’s the priority. Don’t be un-pretty. Yuk! For God’s sake. Men make it so hard for women to be supportive of each another because of their up-censored sexual behavior…..so hard, in fact, that women are warning other women against NOT BEING PRETTYING when we are hurt. Look, ladies (FRIENDS!), if he can’t control his eyes, figure the odds of him controlling his hands, etc. We are all human, there will be attractions but PLEASE hear me when I say that we get what we settle for. My husband stares at women, looks down their shirts, runs to the bathroom with his cell phone because he wants to find a website that will show nude photos of the women we see on television. Leaving him! Don’t care if I look pretty when I do it either. I would rather be alone than disrespected and continuously hurt and (apparently) so very ugly when I am hurt.

  • Sab

    I read the article and my problem is that im extremely insecure about my small boobs and i know my husband looks at videos of women daily with extremely humongous boobs (sometimes its just them stripping off their tops and not doing anything else so obviously hes into their boobs,plus he doesnt know i know he looks at these videos) and recently he seems to find it difficult to cum when we have sex and i am convinced that i am not his ideal woman and hes settled for 2nd best marrying me. How do i deal with this?!?!

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