10.30.12 Love

5 Tips For Dealing With Your Partner Looking At Other Women

5 Tips For Dealing With Your Partner Looking At Other Women

BY Sarah Prout

Men look at other women and it’s perfectly normal. However, many women feel uncomfortable and start fuming (read: steam billowing out of their ears) when they see their lover eye-balling a younger woman wearing a tight dress or bust them looking at the most ridiculously-themed porn. Have you seen some of that stuff? It’s seriously hilarious and I know you know what I’m talking about.

Here are some practical tips for dealing with this situation:

1. See it for what it is.
I think that the base cause of the feelings of discomfort for women when their partners look at other ladies can be insecurity and it’s really a pointless waste of your precious energy. From personal experience I can honestly say there have been times that my blood wanted to boil when I caught my partner mentally undressing a random woman in a restaurant, supermarket or in the post office. But the biological essence of the situation is that it means nothing. Literally nothing. It’s a fleeting surge that happens within the mind of the man and doesn’t mean he’s going to spontaneously sweep the attractive stranger off her feet and run away with her.

2. Jealousy is not very pretty.
Some men are better than others when it comes to taking a sneaky peek at a hottie. I know if I was a man I’d be pretty good at it I think. I’m pretty good at it now when I check out a man I find attractive.

The key point to remember here is that it’s about feeling worthy within yourself and not letting jealously rattle your cage. By comparing yourself to the woman you bust your partner looking at can be really upsetting and damaging to your
self-esteem if you let it.

3. Transform your fear into trust.
Just remember that it’s not an opportunity to question the special nature of your relationship or question your own unique attractiveness. Fear always attracts more fear so make sure that you approach any issues that make you feel
awkward with a sense of calm when you feel it’s necessary to discuss this with your partner.

Essentially, it’s all about empowerment: feeling comfortable in your own skin so it shouldn’t bother you whatsoever if your man checks out other women.

4. Invite your partner to channel the sexual energy towards you.
I opened a discussion to my boyfriend recently about this tpic as he felt slightly uncomfortable expressing to me that he indeed feels attracted to other women. I told him that this falls into the category of his own private conversation with the Universe and I don’t need to know everything. I also told him that the way I intend to view the situation is that I’m the lucky lady that gets to have all of that energy channelled into me (if you catch my drift) in the privacy and sanctity of our relationship.

5. Allow yourself to shine.
I’ve spent way too much of my life not feeling worthy and choosing to get grumpy over stupid, insignificant stuff. But I’m choosing NOW to be the best time ever to celebrate my own sexiness, my own beauty and my own ability to intend that I feel secure in all situations that arise. The key is alignment and moving away from fear based sense of false competition to allow the essence of our glorious expression as women to shine!

Sarah Prout is a bestselling author, co-founder of the Adventures In Manifesting series, entrepreneur, publisher and mumma of 2 little darlings. She reaches over 55,000 followers in over 24 countries around the globe with heartfelt, vibrant and empowering advice about love, business and style. Visit: SarahProut.com.

Sarah Prout is a bestselling author, co-founder of the Adventures In Manifesting series, entrepreneur, publisher and mumma of 2 little darlings. She reaches over 55,000 followers in over 24 countries around the globe with heartfelt, vibrant and empowering advice about love, business and style. See more of Sarah's work on her website.

Comments

  • Crystal

    OK, i feel like an important part was missed here. i have had two very different experiences with two long term boyfriends. personally, i think it’s rude for a guy to do this and it has nothing to do with my insecurity. it’s all about the WAY the guy handles it. bf #1 used to hardcore stare for long periods of time, for example, at a restaurant at another woman and I’m staring at him and he doesn’t notice because he’s so busy staring at her. when i ask bf#1 what’s up he would get pissed and defensive, but i was tired of waiting for him to stop staring and pay attention to his actual girlfriend. bf#2 would stare, mouth hanging open, like he couldn’t believe what he was looking at and when he saw that i caught him – he would laugh and i loved it. He was completely honest about being caught and was a little embarrassed. We all look at other people but it’s how you handle it. if he acts like he got caught red handed that makes me wonder and worry. i agree about being honest with your partner, with bf#2 we both admitted we found other people attractive but we loved each other and we knew what we had was special. I don’t think if i get mad it’s a negative reflection about how i feel about myself. i think it’s a matter or respect.

    • sarahprout

      I totally agree that it’s the way we handle the situation. I carried around so much negative energy every time I would bust my ex-husband looking at another woman. I felt really insecure and used it as an excuse to not feel good enough or worthy. So I guess the point I was trying to make (and might have missed) is that mutual respect for one another is the key.

    • brandy anderson

      I was taught that your eyes and heart are meant for one person….I do look but I don’t “gawk” either, HUGE difference, and respect is the key, a quick glance is OK but anything longer, its disrespectful esp if the person you are with is ignoring you just so he can have a longer “gawk” kwim?

    • fuck you all

      U shpuldnt bebfucking gawging usick pigs

    • Robin Jane

      my name is robin jane,me and my loved cherished ourselves for good 2years and every thing was going on smoothly but we both had misunderstanding and he told me that the relationship is over and that he is fed up with me and I plead to him because I love him so much but he refused me I was so down I felt the world has come to an end for me but my friend told me about a spell caster that helped her sister out in getting her relationship back, a good job and favor in any of her endeavor. but at first I was scared but I have to give this man a try because I love my ex very much and I am not willing to loose him to any woman, so I ordered for a returning love spell from this great spell caster called Dr.Zaba that made me a happy girl again to say it all my ex lover came back to me with so much love and a caring heart. Dr.Zaba indeed you are really the best spell caster to work with.you can contact this man via email if you really need to get your problems solve Makiaderspelltemple@hotmail.com he website http://makiaderspelltemple.webs.com ….

    • pickmybrain

      If the tables were turned imagine just how insignificant the man who does that would feel too. It comes down to respect and if they feel they need to ignore you then why even bother being with them.

    • Armetra Tyson

      I agree deeply

    • Marie

      I agree totally as I am in such a situation. I am not negative about myself at all but feel it’s a matter of respect and love for the other person; Especially if it is so obvious and the other just doesn’t seem to care.

    • nicole

      the only way to handle that is find a hot looking guy and look at him the same way your boyfriend or husband looks at some other chick see if he likes that .if he doesn’t get it after that then he’s pretty lame

    • Rita Quaw

      i do that as well; it hits him worse if your bf is insecure with his image.

    • Ellie

      how will he ever notice you are looking at hot guy??? when he is to freaking busy checking out other females. Ugh.

    • Sherene

      Let me start by saying I’m not insecure I very sure of my beauty within and on the outside. I have achieved a lot in my carer and always strive for excellence for myself and I’m dam good at it. My bf looks at other women and I do handle it in the ways mentioned however I find it disrespectful and rude. I look to the future and think of a time where I might need reassurance eg pregnancy ando he looking at other women I’m not so sure I would appreciate it. Does that make me insecure!? I hate thsee claim as as soon as u don’t like something u are automatically insecure,NO it’s a matter of principal and the way they handle an attractive woman entering a room. Should I lessen my respect for myself because it makes me appear insecure! ?

    • Valerie Abbew

      Thank you very much. Someone understands!!!!!

    • Rosa

      Hello Valeri I was reading all of your comments on this subject about having your husband/bf look at other girls. I commented here with u Cuz your the most recent one who commented. Lol. This just happened to me too. N when I thought I wasn’t jealous anymore I feel like it comes back all the time. I’m OK with my husband looking. It just bothers me that he says he thinks to himself what looks good on her or not. I didn’t even know he would think nothing of it. Just saddens me because this makes us fight. I’m really insecure. What do I do. I’m desperate for advise. It bothers me a lot

    • Belinda Lockhart

      No you should not It does come down to respect of course it is our nature to notice pretty people or etc but men and women both have the power to avoid doing so or to extent if they want to just for the sake of respecting ur partner if they know it makes u upset then they should try to aviod doing it what i find funny is men dont mind to stand and gawk at some hot hunny walking by but as soon as a man checking u out he go all ape shit

    • Armetra Tyson

      Right!!

    • Clau

      Exactly! I’m tired of getting judged for our reaction, for which the absence of, there would be what?
      When they are the ones behaving in such disgusting manner what are you supposed to do??? Let them and pretend it’s ok when your brain is telling you, psychologically and physiologically that there is something wrong. Your brain is reacting for a reason. And it’s time men take responsibility and accountability for their actions.
      What really gets under my skin and sends me over the edge is when you catch them and they deny it. I thought I found someone I had committed to spend the rest of my life with but after the issues we have been having related to this topic, makes me wonder if I even want to go down the path.

    • Tamesha

      Yes! I totally agree with this a 100%.

    • want it to end

      I TOTALLY AGREE… and I don’t get why men don’t understand that! And if I bring up the subject, its automatic… oh so im not allowed to look, talk, be friends with.. He isn’t the most reassuring or empathetic person. It just makes me feel worse

    • Lorie

      I totally understand girl. Im married to mine with a kid so I just try to let it be because I. kknow how it will turn out if I mention it to him. I just figure justice will be done
      through God in the long run anyways. He might accidently get a taste of his own medicine without either of us really expecting it if it was something wrong he did. I truly believe that so that’s why I shouldn’t worry. I know God is in control so no need to stress too much.

    • Valerie Abbew

      That is true. It’s that simple. What goes around comes around.

    • Jackie

      I always feel so uncomfortable when my boyfriend looks at women it’s almost like he forgets that I’m there, even after we have had many fights about me telling him he has a staring problem and letting him know how it makes my feel disrespected and that he makes me look bad in front these girls but it’s always the same thing he will call me crazy (get loud to intimidate) and say that he looks at everyone (bull) and he will tell me that this behavior makes me look really insecure (I am very secure by the way I feel it has to do with respecting your partner and caring about the their feelings) and he doesn’t want a girlfriend that is going to acuse him of craziness ( this makes my blood boil) I honestly feel that women go thru so much in this world, we love with all our heart,we are loving,caring, nurturing and men unfortunately will never be able to truly love and respect us the way we do them smh they don’t have it in them.

      The questions I have for you gals,that I ask myself all the time is – Is there a guy out there that won’t look? Is this something that we will always have to deal with?So what we break up with this boyfriend for this reason and then deal with a new idiot that looks at women also, so basically deal with the same problem but with just a new asshole FML

    • ella sullivan

      I am so happy that other woman feel the same. I am so uncomfortable when my husband and I go out….there are so many pretty woman out there. Its easy for me not to look at hott guys but I could swear I see my husband look at other woman all the time. Of course he says he isnt and I am crazy. I wish I didnt care I could enjoy myself and not see all the huge/ tight asses everywhere and getting bigger lol help!! I am tormented….anybody can relate or advice for peace in my mind lets conquer this together ladies and gain confidence or at least learn a distraction !!

    • Jackie

      AMEN❗️Perfectly said‼️

    • Lorie

      If your not married then it will be alot easier to leave if the situation is really wrong and that he’s wrong all together. If I suspect he’s cheating or will cheat, married with kids or not sometimes its still best to leave really if its that bad. It depends on the situation but I have a pretty good clear idea when it’s best to try to start over and when it isn’t. In my case I believe its fine so far and of things do get real bad then u will know. God will help us through it if we lean on him.

    • Cougar Age

      If you are married, he is breaking his vows by not forsaking all others. I feel that’s plenty of a good enough reason to leave. He made a promise and he’s not abiding by it. Why trust him to keep any of the others?!

    • Stephanie Stevens

      Amen

    • Tina

      If your man openly looks at other women when you can see he’s just DUMB. Get a grown up man instead.

    • rabid_stalker

      How about he dumps your damn insecure ass, and finds a more “mature” woman, a woman who is not so mentally challenged, and insecure that she can handle the fact that ALL men love to look

    • El

      You are not very nice. It’s always different when it’s not you.

    • rabid_stalker

      I agree
      My time was rather harsh back then

    • Cougar Age

      They DO understand it, they just pretend to be dumb.

    • Valerie Abbew

      My bf just pulled that on me yesterday and i told him how disrespectful that is. Of course he doesn’t think so but i walked away and ask him to just stay away from me since I am not worth the time

    • Burnt Out

      AGREED! This just happened to me half hour ago and how my current bf handled it was “sneaky”. My ex and I had trust and better communication so it was not a big deal. Plus, he did not continue to try and make eye contact like my current bf does. It was so bad that the girl he was staring at looked at me like …WTF? I guess I should also mention that he has cheated on me in the last year and we are supposed to be moving forward and regaining trust! Needless to say, my level of patience and trust with any “female-related” issues is NON-EXISTANT…lol

    • sabina

      dump him asap. rebuild what?

    • teara

      dumb his ass , he is useing you

    • Lisa

      It’s so infuriating to tell your bf that you see him looking and he deny it. But I agree with commenters below that it’s not an excuse to feel bad about yourself. You should probably just leave the guy. It’s different that us both appreciating someone elses attractiveness and not lying about it.

      I am trying to get over how I feel about this whole topic so I don’t carry it to the next relationship.

    • Blenda Park

      This is a very joyful day of my life because of the help Dr.Shiva has rendered to me by helping me get my ex husband back with his magic and love spell. i was married for 6 years and it was so terrible because my husband was really cheating on me and was seeking for a divorce but when i came across Dr.Shiva email on the internet on how he help so many people to get thier ex back and help fixing relationship.and make people to be happy in their relationship. i explained my situation to him and then seek his help but to my greatest surprise he told me that he will help me with my case and here i am now celebrating because my Husband has change totally for good. He always want to be by me and can not do anything without my present. i am really enjoying my marriage, what a great celebration. i will keep on testifying on the internet because Dr.Shiva is truly a real spell caster. DO YOU NEED HELP THEN CONTACT DOCTOR SHIVA NOW VIA EMAIL: reunitingexspell@yahoo.com or call +2347051705853 or reunitingexspell2@gmail.com . He is the only answer to your problem and make you feel happy in your relationship.

    • Robin Jane

      my name is robin jane,me and my loved cherished ourselves for good 2years and every thing was going on smoothly but we both had misunderstanding and he told me that the relationship is over and that he is fed up with me and I plead to him because I love him so much but he refused me I was so down I felt the world has come to an end for me but my friend told me about a spell caster that helped her sister out in getting her relationship back, a good job and favor in any of her endeavor. but at first I was scared but I have to give this man a try because I love my ex very much and I am not willing to loose him to any woman, so I ordered for a returning love spell from this great spell caster called Dr.Zaba that made me a happy girl again to say it all my ex lover came back to me with so much love and a caring heart. Dr.Zaba indeed you are really the best spell caster to work with.you can contact this man via email if you really need to get your problems solve Makiaderspelltemple@hotmail.com he website http://makiaderspelltemple.webs.com

    • JOES CANDRA

      I am joes candra, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank DR.OSAUYI for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. Three days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 6 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. DR.OSAUYI released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that`s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to DR.OSAUYI for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in any situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. OSAUYILOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM that is his email address bye. web site http://osauyilovespell.webs.com

    • JOES CANDRA

      I am joes candra, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank DR.OSAUYI for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. Three days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 6 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. DR.OSAUYI released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that`s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to DR.OSAUYI for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in any situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. OSAUYILOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM that is his email address bye. web site http://osauyilovespell.webs.com

    • Rione

      Crystal, I agree with you. I caught my bf looking at another girl in the restaurant and then commenting about how she looked in shorts last week. That made me feel extremely hurt especially when he said I should get used to it. I thought a lot about it before confronting the matter and just told him that it’s fine, he can do it. He was totally shocked and came to apologize saying he knew he hurt me and that he is very sorry. Sometimes I think he forgets he is in a relationship. But I agree with you on the way the handle it.

    • Tamesha

      Having this issue now. Although I tell him he’s gawking, he swears he’s glancing and that’s if he tells me he’s looking. Apparently, I’m crazy and just want to start a argument. It’s to the point I want him to know that he is the only crazy one. I reached out to the Maury Show, since I’m so crazy and now he doesn’t want to go on there. I’ve been asking him why. I know the true reason why. My thing is don’t lie about it, I see him gawking as he sits in his own world.

  • Kelly

    I agree with Crystal in saying that it’s about respect but I must say that I don’t think this article is all that true. Yes people find many different people attractive, even if they are in a relationship and that doesn’t stop just because you have someone else. But I find it really wrong for men to do that and it’s not okay for women to just look the other way or act like it’s okay. It’s not, it’s disrespectful. And one main reason I don’t agree with this article is because I’ve seen many men in relationship and you can tell that they have a girlfriend because they act withdrawn like they don’t want to send the wrong message, If a man is in a happy relationship, they aren’t searching for someone/something else.

    • sarahprout

      Kelly I agree. I think if you’re happy in a relationship you aren’t searching for someone else. However, I think there’s a huge difference between ‘looking at’ someone for a few seconds or ‘looking for’ someone by emotionally attaching yourself to them. My boyfriend looks at other women from time to time (and not at all in a sleazy way…just to clarify) and I don’t mention it. It’s not his intention to upset me and I know I’m not the only woman on the planet, just like he’s not the only man. This discussion could be an amazing book topic because there are so many various themes going on and definitions that are very open to interpretation! Thanks for your comments Kelly. You’ve given me more to think about 🙂

    • Lisa

      But even when the guy is looking at someone that show’s the outside world and that other woman that he is not completely satisfied with what he has.

    • Beautiful Lady

      Exactly, Im very beautiful so my husband nor I even glance because we are happy with each other an Love each other very much. Men just get dissatisfied with whoever their with and start straying and it goes from there.

    • perfectly happy with my gawker

      Sorry, but I really disagree. My boyfriend looks at other woman, and I look at other men. We have no interest in leaving each other for anyone. We are both amazed we found each other because we fit so well together. Nearly perfect. Your not the only beautiful woman out there, and there are people whom your husband may find more beautiful, but personality plays a bug role. Being “the whole package” is better than being “the hottest”.

    • Lorie

      Right on! So true! Im on ur side with this topic. I just totally agree!

    • WBOTB

      Yeah well I’m the whole package and the hottest. Other men can gawk at other women. If he wants me he can keep his eyes and desires focussed on me otherwise I will do my female straying thingy thing thing there. Ha ha…love ma battitude love ma battitude!

    • Cougar Age

      I think it has to do with what you are raised around. I was raised in a home where my dad CHERISHED my mom. She was the center of his universe. He NEVER gawked at other women when he was out with his daughters or his wife. I expect that SAME respect from any man I’m in a relationship with. It’s called the golden rule. I don’t gawk at hot men when I’m with a SO, and a man I’m with had better not gawk at any women when he’s with me, or a big confrontation will be a-brewing.

    • Parents need to be there

      I have a father that my mom divorced because he was a cheater. I know about his past because he tells me straight up. He is a gawker and has cheated on all of his gf’s after my mom and before my mom. Listen up ladies, if he can’t pull his eyes away and lingers he is looking to hook up. His father was his example a cheater who gawked. My best friend’s dad was very respectful towards his wife and showed the utmost respect, he’d smile if he saw an attractive women but would look toward his wife, I admired my friends dad for being the kind of man who valued his wife. They were together until their old age. His son’s are the same, very respectful. Cougar is right, look at how his dad treated women and you can see your future.

    • Mike

      You’re wrong just like Lisa up there. If you think your man doesn’t look at other women, you’re either being lied to or deluding yourself. They all look, but the good ones don’t go any further than that.

    • WBOTB

      Everyone is going to notice someone attractive but the good ones don’t go staring them up and down in front of you.

    • WBOTB

      I have an extremely high sex drive. Higher than a man’s and I know what respect is. I notice other hit guys but I’m not going to gawk in front of my guy.

    • Jamie Norton

      true–that’s respect

    • Shane

      Plenty of men have lower sex drives than women..you ware buying into a social construct, women lose their libido because men are bad in bed. It’s easier for a women to satisfy a bunch of men than one man to satisfy even ONE woman. Hence Viagra and Porn..that’s a sign of low sex drive.

    • Cougar Age

      Precisely.

    • Stephanie Stevens

      They have a choice. I CHOOSE to not look at other men–including when I am not around him. Just because it’s common doesn’t make it right.

    • PrettiestLilAngelYoullEverReve

      You’re wrong. Only the deuschebags do. Guess we know what you are.

    • maria

      this is the common view point oh ‘i am just a man’ which is exactly what they are not. they are ‘just male’ but certainly not my idea of a ‘man’.if they ‘gawk’ as it has been called when they are with you, imagine what they do when you are not there! they are totally untrustworthy, if not in deed certainly in fantasy. if you want someone fantasising about someone else while ‘with’ you in bed you are welcome. i would rather be on my own than settle for that ‘cheap’ stuff.
      also it is women’s contribution to accepting this cheap behaviour that perpetuates it.
      i think that Cougar Age was the only one that has got it absolutely right and i for one will not settle anything less.
      i am just about to finish with someone that originally told me they don’t notice women and by and large that maybe true when focussed on getting somewhere on time. but then told me in the past about when in a certain job, he liked talking to someone as they were so pretty, when he was in a so called relationship
      just recently it slipped out that another recent job has a fantastically good looking lady and who does everything ‘perfectly’ down to her beautiful handwriting and education etc.
      ‘mrs perfect’ which tells me that when she is about and engaged in conversation and dont think i pass across his mind.
      so i recognise that i have been conned into believing this person who appears so innocent has conned me from the beginning. also stating he had only been with one woman in his life which later transpired that was not true as someone else who had ‘slipped his mind’ came out of the woodwork!
      oh how awful to have meant so little as to be ‘forgotten’ about.
      so therefore mistrust is built as who knows how many more are the real ‘truth’. whatever that word might mean in these liars minds.
      in my opinion it is of no use for someone to say they wont do it when with you because i require honesty when together and apart. and if it is in the person then they will always be that way.
      unless as someone else said they get born again of the Spirit of God and their heart is changed.
      otherwise it is not worth the torture if it bothers you.
      it can, and has done with me, lead to ill health emotionally and physically. which then in turn makes you more vulnerable and disempowered to make the decision and carry it out.
      and is the person worth it?
      i ask you and myself as i am still in the struggle of finishing with it. i welcome any helpful contribution to these thoughts i have written.
      thank you

    • ella sullivan

      I wanna hear more men on here more married men and there views plzz

    • Mike

      See Lisa, a man’s mind does not even remotely work the same as a woman’s mind when it comes to things like this. What you said is not true at all. Asking, or worse, expecting or demanding that a man stop looking at other women would be like a man expecting or demanding that you stop having your period every month. Both are biological things that are built into men or women and you can’t stop them from happening unless as a woman you start getting the depo shot or you turn a man into a eunich in which case, you won’t be getting anything from him either.

      The problem is you all take it seriously and rationalize it as a woman would; we’re looking at other women because we want to be with them and it’s simply not true. I still look at other women because after all, there are many, many beautiful women in the world and just because I’m married or in a relationship doesn’t change any of that. I do not want to know anything about these women not even their name, I don’t want to go on dates with them, I don’t want to have sex with them; nothing. Even though they are beautiful, I still find my wife to be the most beautiful woman in the world and she’s the only one I love or want in my life or in my bed.

      Carrying around opinions like the one you posted above kind of shows that you don’t really know anything about men. Sure, he could cheat on you just as a woman could cheat (they’re just as bad, believe me) on me, but if your relationship or marriage comes down to such a small thing like this, you probably had nothing to begin with since you don’t trust him. Perhaps that’s more the woman’s insecurity than it is the man’s perceived intent. Trying to understand a male brain with a female brain is futile. 🙂

    • Eliza

      Mike, sorry, bub, but it’s NOT biologically built in…this ‘need’ to feed on other women’s breasts like a man starving for them…let’s be realistic…that is a flaw in his personality, simply called a lack of respect for his wife/partner. Anice, below, has it all said in her first sentence….

    • Stephanie Stevens

      YEP!

    • Pulchritudinous Diamond

      Yea it is a flaw in his personality. Not all men do it

    • Spirited

      Thanks for that Mike. I’m a bit insecure, even though my partner is obviously happy with all of me, he does still appreciate beauty in others. I am going to Brazil with him and was feeling negative as I don’t want to feel bad about myself if he is looking. Your writings have somewhat calmed my mind. So, thanks for the insight. I am sure my partner feels the same, he tells me i’m the most beautiful in the world too…

    • Pat

      If it makes you feel any better, as cute as your boyfriend might be, very few (if any) of the women he checks out will be interested in him. That’s how I deal with my insecurity – I know for a fact that most of these hot babes would want a better looking guy than the one I have.

    • WBOTB

      Bullshit! Women were trained to be respectful so now it’s time to train the men. They need to learn to keep it on their pants!

    • FSB

      I love Mike’s reply! I feel like that is spot on! I think by expecting your man to simply not LOOK…is asking for him to lie to you. Hell… even I look at a beautiful woman. I think it is the spirit in which it is done that matters….if it isn’t “gross” or rude, but rather just recognizing a beautiful woman, it is perfectly natural!

    • Cougar Age

      With my last long term relationship, not only would my boyfriend have been MASSIVELY hurt if I ogled another hottie in front of him, he used to feel threatened by random men checking me out as well. These feelings should have been on his brain when he chose to ogle another woman in front of me, something he paid dearly for with lots of his pride. And wouldn’t you know-his name was Mike.

    • karen

      I hate the mans brain period.

    • Nebula

      Don’t! Feel free to be a “gold-digger.” It is the same biology that these men keep defending!

    • Cougar Age

      If we women take it seriously, and you want to be serious about a woman, shouldn’t you respect her enough to knock off the frat boy behavior? GROW UP. No you do NOT NEED to ogle women like that, and no amount of claiming you do will make that true. It’s a CHOICE. A choice to respect or not respect your significant other.

    • Pat

      “I still look at other women because after all, there are many, many beautiful women in the world… Even though they are beautiful, I still find my wife to be the most beautiful woman in the world.”

      Are all men trained to repeat these phrases? I see tons of posts by men saying this same thing. It seems like such a lie. How can you check out basically every woman you encounter above a 6/10 on the physical attractiveness rating scale and get off on other naked women in porn, and yet claim your girl “is the most beautiful in the world”? If she truly was “the most beautiful” to you, you wouldn’t be checking out others or getting off to others. This must just be a lie that men tell women to get them off their backs and men tell themselves to make them feel less bad for acting this way.

      My boyfriend gives me the same tired line, “you’re the most beautiful girl to me”, too. I know he’s lying. If I were enough, he wouldn’t have naked girl pictures hidden in his room or look at porn when I’m not around. I don’t mind that he does those things (I get it, it’s just a guy thing and it doesn’t bother me), but I don’t like being lied to and being told I’m the “most beautiful to him” when I know I’m not.

    • Sherry

      It’s not a “guy” thing..just as many girls do it, they just don’t talk about watching porn..if it bothers you dump him

    • Pulchritudinous Diamond

      Trust they even look at the ones that arent attractive these type of men have underlying issues. Theres more to it then what just meets the eye. There is def psych issues. Trust me. As much as you dont want to believe it. Its true. They dont have to look but they do. Its simply a lack of self control and there is a form of mental instability there.

    • rabid_stalker

      Your boyfriend lies to you because your comment demonstrates just how retarded you’re being and how insecure you truly are.
      Just imagine your bf decided to be honest with you and told you to your face, “nope, you are NOT the most beautiful woman in the world, there are far more attractive, sexy and beautiful women out there….now be honest, how the fuck would you react to being told that?
      You would dump his ass! I know you would
      Us guys have to lie because you bitches pretend to want total truth and honesty, but NONE of you are ready to hear the truth, so we prop up your delusional world view in case you have a tantrum, like the little children that we KNOW you all are

    • Larry

      Whatever loser! I have a stunning wife and I don’t even look at other women and my sex drive is through the roof as I’m still 26..So yeah..speak for yourself buddy! When you start looking around she’ll notice and you won’t get anything ..so keep justifying. RESPECT!

    • Karen

      I’m really happy with your reply. When men look and keep looking they will keep finding flaws with the one they love. Keep on loving your wife!!!!!!

    • PrettiestLilAngelYoullEverReve

      Thank you, Mike. I’ve been feeling bad with all these comments about how men can’t help themselves. I had almost lost all.my faith in relationships. I refuse to be in one where my man doesn’t give me the same loyalty I give him. You’r comment bright my faith back a little bit. Thank you.

    • Pulchritudinous Diamond

      Larry. Exactly. Point proven. As men you dont have to look. My husband did this yesterday and i as even checking for it i just happen to turn and look his direction and he was looking at another females ass and then he tried to play it off as if he was looking for something else. To make matters worse we had our newborn with us. Its just crazy.

    • “biological things that are built into men or women and you can’t stop them from happening” bullshit 🙂

    • Nebula

      So you’re ok with it if your lady routinely tells you about that guy she knows who makes a lot of money? Also ok when she lusts after the lifestyle of a man with a lot of resources? It’s the same biology that tells a man to appreciate beauty that tells a woman to appreciate a man with resources. Women cannot be gold-diggers any more than a man is a pig, by your stance on biological inclinations and how we “can’t help it.” Just so you understand what you are expecting women to be ok with….

    • Sara

      Hi ..today i was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. We had a nice conversation and time. Halfway through three people walked in and sat right next to our table. The woman was attractive and somewhat voluptuous. As the meal ended, my boyfriend turned facing in her direction for awhile looking over “yonder”. ..Suddenly she turned her head in his direction and he quickly turned his head back forward ..he looked red in the face. He began talking right along about us getting older. I felt a pit in my stomach. Do you think his behavior was okay? I asked him about it ..if he was aware of what happened. And, he said, he hates when I get like this and when I am distrustful. I think I know he is not going to get it on with this girl but ..it seemed odd that he quickly turned his head like that AS IF TO TELL ME .. i am not satisfied with you and wanted to get a secret look and she busted him..IT IS ALL VERY FUNNY TO ME. BUT he doesn’t get it. I have my principles about what I expect in a relationship ..but I understand his biological nature too. I think if he admitted it, I think he felt guilty ..he would feel more alive and free. Why men lie then, say I don’t lie ..or act like “I don’t look” ..is insane ..that needs to change on their part. I know he loves me as he tells me over and over again! I trust him. Though when he thinks I am ‘accusing him of looking at other women” he says I need to stop that ..need to not accuse him even when he does.

    • Pulchritudinous Diamond

      Bullshit you dont have to look just like we dint have to look ots about respect and self control. If your looking at another woman in your wifes face its disrespectful and there is a underlying issue. Nice try though! Sounds good!

    • Sugarbear34

      When a MAN is looking at other women that shows he disregard the girl he’s with..I wouldn’t be with a man like that…zero tolerance.

    • Anice

      Agreed! If your man truly loves and respects you he WILL NOT put you in a position to be embarrassed & disrespected. Which is exactly how I felt when my ex would do this. It was like a smack in the face. I mean it’s ok to look but staring and gawking…NO. That is so immature. I am not suffering from any sort of self esteem issues & know that I am beautiful. Often times he would stare and gawk at women who were less attractive than me. To me it showed more of a lack of self esteem in him, not me. I mean if you need to get attention and stare at other women to the point where you have no self control(infront of your spouse), your the one with the problem!

    • Alwayshope

      I Agree With Anice as I’m not seeing it as problem on me as its men problem. Men good to take like snapshot from the 1st look so doesnot need stair. For me not necessary to see her to try to compare its just the idea, why if im in relationship I see all men just as anything else why men not doing the same and they get mad and like no trust when you try to open the subject!

    • Lorie

      Yep that is true too. The person doin it has major issues. He needs to work out more then, get in shape and get his self esteem back. church and prayer should be number one really. Also lay off the booze so much but that can’t help without wanting to change ur life for the better and giving it to God! Why just sit there when u can have so much better. Pride can be a bad thing. They need to get over themselves geez! Lol

    • Cougar Age

      Ugh. A man saying church and prayer is basically warding me off in the same was as if a guy said he was a nymphomaniac. It’s like one extreme or the other. I’ll take a laid back guy with respect for me over a church boy ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!

    • Jonathan

      I don’t mean to be rude but you can’t be all “girl power” on one hand and stick up for equality and against sexism and call yourself “cougar age”..to me you’re disrespecting yourself and allowing the gross trend than some misogynistic pigs started by calling yourself a mountain lion/desperate old woman looking for prey..Sorry but you might wanna rethink your handle

    • Jamie Norton

      totally agee!!!

    • Karen BadaBing Leyba

      YESSSSS! You nailed it – the insecurity lies with the man in these specific situations. Of course we all notice good looking people from time to time – but it’s the sneaky type and the “can’t control themselves” types that are the worst. They are using non-verbal cues to get attention from other females. If you are ogling someone; you are putting the message out to the universe that you are available in some way. NOT OK if you are in a committed relationship. I intentionally avoid eye contact with other men I don’t know, especially when my man isn’t around. I don’t even think about it, but I am aware that I do it afterwards – it’s because I don’t want to seek attention from other men. If my guy is sneaking peeks at another women’s “assets” and/or engaging her in some form of conversation, he is seeking out her attention. Period. Whether or not he has intention of taking that anywhere further isn’t the sticking point, because in my case, I know he’s not – he is seeking attention because it makes him feel good. The issue that needs to be dealt with is his insecurity, not mine.

    • Paige

      I agree with many of you (most in fact) in that this is a rude and disrespectful behavior and should not be tolerated. On one hand it would appear the author is saying to respect yourself and in the next breath she’s suggesting we enable a neandrathall , subserviant and unacceptable behavior. For the sake of what exactly? Compromising our integrity to gain the favor and approval of someone who we are, at that moment, disgusted with, ashamed of and embarrassed by? Unfortunately, it is a mans world. As women, we are at an infinite disadvantage. Society promotes women to dress seductively to gain the attention of men. Men and our undying desire to appease them govern this practice. Were there no spectators, it wouldn’t be a sport. U don’t often see men strutting in public nearly naked or sporting clothes that define their every curve and mound. Trust me, if men were forced to deal with this on a daily basis as well as our lusting over the chisled bodies of random specimens at every turn, they would be administered a significant dose of they’re own medicine. Contrary to what many of them believe, Men are not super human. Dealing with the humility of constantly having to ” step aside” to allow the one they love a closer look at something “better” would eventually deteriorate the fabric of their dignity and self image as well. Fortunately for them, this theory will probably never be tested or come to pass. Its been my experience that many men, while still in the courting phase of the relationship manage to conceal this annoying characteristic entirely from the dating equasion, and for good reason. There would likely never be any second dates. They seem to reserve this side of themselves for a point in the relationship in which theyre certain we’ll tolerate it. This conveys to me that it is in fact a choice and they can control it more than they are willing to admit. Its having your cake and eating it too. Empower yourselves ladies, by establishing boundaries and demanding respect. I for one refuse to “suck it up” anymore!

    • Melissa

      Paige, I’ve been having a really tough time dealing with this for years from my boyfriend of over 8 years. I agree with eveything you said here, but men don’t see this.What makes it more difficult is all my female friends have no problems with it and say men can’t help it. It’s so sad.

    • Jamie Norton

      yea my female friends brush it off too –its men nature,they all do it–its s0 disrespectful

    • Cougar Age

      Be proud that you have higher standards than your friends.

    • Jamie Norton

      yes and thank u,it jus hurts me so bad that he thinks its not a big deal,jus burns me up inside,really don’t know how I am gonna react when he does this again,it makes me anxious to go anywhere with him,i don’t wanna be this way

    • Jenny

      No it’s a cultural disrespectful thing..don’t buy into the BS..women are just as if not more visual than men but we have become so afraid to be our natural selves because of the patriarchal society we live in and being labeled a slut or fickle.

    • Cougar Age

      You can make them see it. The way that worked for me, was to act like I was about to approach the woman and ask her if she’d like to take my place. My ex FREAKED, and the ogling stopped. Anyone who says they can’t control it is HIGHLY ignorant, naive, and tolerant of disrespectful behavior.

    • Jamie Norton

      smart lady—–respect should be expected!!!

    • Sharon23

      Well said 🙂

    • Karen BadaBing Leyba

      So much YES Paige!!

    • Ali C

      Phenomenal comment. “Were there no spectators, it wouldn’t be a sport. U don’t often see men strutting in public nearly naked or sporting clothes that define their every curve and mound. Trust me, if men were forced to deal with this on a daily basis as well as our lusting over the chisled bodies of random specimens at every turn, they would be administered a significant dose of they’re own medicine. Contrary to what many of them believe, Men are not super human. Dealing with the humility of constantly having to ” step aside” to allow the one they love a closer look at something “better” would eventually deteriorate the fabric of their dignity and self image as well.” This is SO TRUE it’s scary.

    • Faith

      I dated a guy that I was engaged to and I recall one day he had to will call to pick up our tickets, so I stood outside and there was a band playing so this guy says the view is better from up here, and holds out his hand soon I’m standing on a very high concrete planter a birds eye view, I can now see my boyfriend and and then I see him fixated at the window looking at the back of this teenage girl she is with her boyfriend and he is just staring at her for a good 17 minutes, I timed it …. it was so creepy . I had smoked a great cigar with this young guy and he told me that he would never ever do what my freakzoid boyfriend was doing . It was really really bizarre to watch the level of his illness. I left him and never returned. See I think the difference is I am normal and he is abnormal.
      Plus I was raised that you should treat others the way you want to be treated, and that you have to give respect to get respect

    • I wish I had your courage and strength to move on….. :'(

  • Eric

    How can I make my girlfreind who has no hormones and doesnt enjoy sex,understand that after being locked up for several years …..SEX is the BIGGEST THING IN MY LIFE?

    • Jamie Sue

      She needs to balance her hormones that’s all! There’s lots of ways you can do this especially with natural herbs and supplements.

    • Lorie

      Yeah I agree. Their probably most likely gonna rot in hell for it too or suffer in some sort of way for a long time. Which is pretty retarded but that’s just the choice they choose so whatever!

    • Lorie

      Oh manI i replied to the wrong person lol So sorry it was for bblz2259!

    • Cougar Age

      Maybe you’re doing it wrong and that’s why she doesn’t enjoy it.

  • bblz2259

    Whoa this artical came up when looking for something completely different but just had this situation happen to me today … is it a sign? lol. I am struggling so hard with this topic. 19 year marriage with a man who looks at every thing in sight has taken a huge toll on me emotionally. The biggest thing for me is how much money he spends, which means I cant spend money on a fake tan, heels, little black dresses … anything he looks at when WE are out to dinner or buying more crap that he ‘just has to have.’ I feel that we as wives and mothers sacrifice a lot to feed, clothe, shelter, protect our families, and then we end up getting disrecpected and unappreciated.

    • sarahprout

      I should probably write a follow-up article to this one because it is a very multi-dimensional issue. I hear what you’re saying about women taking care of the kids first and foremost. I’m a mother, I do it myself. What I’m hearing you express here is a great opportunity for you take control and shift the way you’re looking at your situation. Really put things into perspective that spending 19 years of your life together is a massive achievement. All of the beautiful life experiences you’ve had together would give you at least a few amazing things to be grateful for right? Fake tan, heels or little black dresses will NEVER replace time spent together. My advice would be to find time to reconnect on a physical/mental and spiritual level somehow and allow yourself to fall in love all over again with one another. Just try for one week to not (not even once) wish that your husband would behave differently. Instead, I want you to behave differently and do something nice for yourself. Fall in love with yourself and ask your husband what would have to happen to get more of his undivided attention. As your focus is taken away from what you don’t want, watch how fast the things you do want in your life will show up. These are just suggestions and I hope that it helps in some way. xx

    • Lorie

      So true Sarah! Right on!

    • fluella

      i agree with her doing something for herself however the rest, no chance! it is appeasing the man again! asking how she can get more of his undivided attention? words barely changed a man, actions did. so yes buy a new dress and makeup and fake tan and go flirt with other men and stare out other mens packages, i damn as well will assure you he will give you his undivided attention, only then will he be willing to ‘listen’

    • Beautiful Lady

      I agree, Moms are beautiful too.

    • Lorie

      U deserve a hug and a kiss. Good girl!

    • Lorie

      He’s either gonna suffer real bad, rot in hell or both in the long run

    • jen

      It is disrespectful, it is emotionally damaging to a woman’s self esteem. It is very selfish of a man to do that to his wife and the mother of his children. My husband doesn’t wear his ring, he stares at every woman who walks by, when I am with him. It makes me so sad, and it makes wonder about what he would do, when I am not round. If a man can’t control himself in your presence, what makes you think that given the opportunity, he wouldn’t stray. When i express my feelings to my husband, he tells me I am insecure, and that he wouldn’t cheat on me. I have my doubts though. I don’t trust him 100%. It is getting to the point where I don’t want to be seen with him in public, for fear of being humiliated. I am easy on the eye myself, so why does he keep doing that knowing how it makes me feel.

    • Cougar Age

      Sounds like you have a man who chants the mantra of I don’t cheat, but his actions go against his words.

      -doesn’t wear a ring
      -stares disrespectfully at other women when with you
      -claims he won’t stray (signature line of EVERY cheater out there)

      Of COURSE you are insecure, his actions would make MANY women insecure. He’s lucky you haven’t hired a private detective, because I would have already in your shoes.

    • fluella

      agree with cougar

  • Bebe

    This is a positive article but I believe that when a boyfriend looks around at other woman for any reason, it’s a sign that’s he not really interested in me. I broke up with my Boyfriend because he said: my eyes might be wandering but my heart belongs to you. I catch him looking at girls that are the total opposite of me which makes me believe that he’s lying about being truly attracted to me. He got mad at me, said I have problems, and that his wandering eyes is nothing. It’s over. I’ve seen other men with their girls that DON”T look around. He makes last minute plans to see me, doesn’t look at me in public, looks around, doesn’t engage in conversations to know me better, doesn’t want me posting on his page, never plans the occasion: always a bar and a drink. I’m just so confused. He did everything else right but these little things that he does: keeping ex’s photos, scared to let me post on his page, looking around, not initating dates, make me question whether he’s really in love with me. He was always there for me, returned my calls/messages, buy me things, take me out, helping me..I’m so confused.

    • Taha

      Wow, Bebe.
      If he keeps photos of his ex and isn’t comfortable with you posting on his page, I would say that you deserve better. Someone who lives for you and gives you his full attention and has no issues with the world knowing that you are his partner.
      Never mind him looking at other women, it is the other issues that need to be addressed first, if at all, I personally would leave a man who did that to me, but easier said than done.
      Best of luck, Sweety x

    • bebe

      I asked about the story of how he met his ex-wife. The moment he saw her, he said he knew she’d be his wife. 20 years later, the moment he saw me, he didn’t think anything. She got the best of him and I got the left overs. I don’t think I’ll ever fine anyone as financially supportive as him and at the moment. I know, it’s pathetic on my part but yeah, if I had all the good things that I would ever need and want, I would be single.

    • bebe

      and as pathetic as i am, i love him.

    • Guest

      Or you love his money, golddigger!

    • Lorie

      Your not pathetic Bebe. I think it could get better for you two. I with pray for you it does. If it doesn’t then u will find ur way.

    • Lorie

      That’s true but it gets lonely after awhile not having anyone around unless ur fortunate enough to play the field but that never seems to last forever either.

    • Lorie

      Good things are only temporary and Love is forever. U can only get true love from Jesus for it to work with anyone else the right and best way

    • Cougar Age

      Well if money is ALL you care about, you aren’t going to find a quality man. Perhaps you two are a great match.

      If ever I feel like I want to depend on a man for financial support, I hope I just end my life then and there. That’s not how I was raised.

    • Lorie

      You couldn’t have said any better Taha. Very true!

    • Dianne

      I think you answered your own question. To me, it’s obvious that he’s just not that in to you.

    • ag

      Bebe i totally agree with you. My current bf can’t help but look at other women but says it means nothing….. but it happens all the time! He says i only notice because I’m looking for things to get mad at, but I’m only interested in him, therefore i look at him when we go to dinner, when we goto parties, but he just blames it on my not liking myself. Im fine with the way i look, in fact I’ve never felt better, it’s his lack of interest in me that makes me wonder if i should end this. It’s disrespectful and all these articles giving men permission to do it, because it’s natural, your wrong! A real man will respect you and treat you like you are the only one in the room! Stop teaching girls to just be okay with them selves because it’s not their chose to be treated that way! Men need to be held accountable!

    • Cougar Age

      It means something or he wouldn’t risk hurting you to keep up such Neanderthal behavior!

    • frecklish

      wow.. that sounds like my ex..!!! he kept all of his ex’s photos..caught him cheating on me many times with women who were just “fake”!! he would stare and ignore me… never lets me post anything on his facebook wall..

      went through all of that for 6 years … and now i am with a man! that loves me.. respects me.. and only stares at me in public.. sometimes when a woman passes by.. i would stare hahah .. and then slowly i’ll look at him to see if he caught a glimpse of the girl!! he would be too busy focusing on his food! or he is too busy playing with my hand.. now that is sweet…

      be with someone who loves u.. and finds u attractive!.. someone who feels for u..its okay to stare!! i sometimes stare at guys for a few seconds.. and thats about it.. but staring to get a guys attention.. now thats messed up..

      leave the guy.. have standards;)!

    • Cougar Age

      Why are you still with this guy who is tearing you down emotionally?!

  • Bri

    ok, I know its human nature to stare at another female/male! But there is an issue when u do it EVERYDAY. I believe that if you are happy and satisfied with who you have there is no reason to look. Example you look at a menu to order..you must look at the lady/male to see what you can get. Its disrespectful. If your partner loves you for who you are he has no time to look at other woman he’s looking for time to find WAYS to love his woman!!

    • katie

      I agree!! That’s what I said to my man. I catch him looking all the time either on his phone or in person and he says that he isn’t cheating on me he should be able to look at who ever he wants. It mskes me so mad because its disrespectful to me. I have talked and talked. Don’t know what to do anymore

    • Jules

      I totally agree!!
      I was in a 15 year relationship,broke up.
      Guy I am with now cant help himself, Im always getting told wow ur gorgeus..
      But then he looks at anythiny..:-(
      I dont know what to do it anymore, drives me crazy..

    • Cougar Age

      They CAN help themselves. That they choose not to, is a big indicator of his lack of respect/love for you.

    • Cougar Age

      Leave him. That’s what you are supposed to do when your partner doesn’t respect you.

    • fluella

      if he says he can look at whoever he wants, repay him that by ogling other men in his presence. your’e not cheating are you? 🙂 just looking. whats good for the goose..

    • Chelle

      Hell yes my got am bad eye problems

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