10.30.12 Love

5 Tips For Dealing With Your Partner Looking At Other Women

5 Tips For Dealing With Your Partner Looking At Other Women

BY Sarah Prout

Men look at other women and it’s perfectly normal. However, many women feel uncomfortable and start fuming (read: steam billowing out of their ears) when they see their lover eye-balling a younger woman wearing a tight dress or bust them looking at the most ridiculously-themed porn. Have you seen some of that stuff? It’s seriously hilarious and I know you know what I’m talking about.

Here are some practical tips for dealing with this situation:

1. See it for what it is.
I think that the base cause of the feelings of discomfort for women when their partners look at other ladies can be insecurity and it’s really a pointless waste of your precious energy. From personal experience I can honestly say there have been times that my blood wanted to boil when I caught my partner mentally undressing a random woman in a restaurant, supermarket or in the post office. But the biological essence of the situation is that it means nothing. Literally nothing. It’s a fleeting surge that happens within the mind of the man and doesn’t mean he’s going to spontaneously sweep the attractive stranger off her feet and run away with her.

2. Jealousy is not very pretty.
Some men are better than others when it comes to taking a sneaky peek at a hottie. I know if I was a man I’d be pretty good at it I think. I’m pretty good at it now when I check out a man I find attractive.

The key point to remember here is that it’s about feeling worthy within yourself and not letting jealously rattle your cage. By comparing yourself to the woman you bust your partner looking at can be really upsetting and damaging to your
self-esteem if you let it.

3. Transform your fear into trust.
Just remember that it’s not an opportunity to question the special nature of your relationship or question your own unique attractiveness. Fear always attracts more fear so make sure that you approach any issues that make you feel
awkward with a sense of calm when you feel it’s necessary to discuss this with your partner.

Essentially, it’s all about empowerment: feeling comfortable in your own skin so it shouldn’t bother you whatsoever if your man checks out other women.

4. Invite your partner to channel the sexual energy towards you.
I opened a discussion to my boyfriend recently about this tpic as he felt slightly uncomfortable expressing to me that he indeed feels attracted to other women. I told him that this falls into the category of his own private conversation with the Universe and I don’t need to know everything. I also told him that the way I intend to view the situation is that I’m the lucky lady that gets to have all of that energy channelled into me (if you catch my drift) in the privacy and sanctity of our relationship.

5. Allow yourself to shine.
I’ve spent way too much of my life not feeling worthy and choosing to get grumpy over stupid, insignificant stuff. But I’m choosing NOW to be the best time ever to celebrate my own sexiness, my own beauty and my own ability to intend that I feel secure in all situations that arise. The key is alignment and moving away from fear based sense of false competition to allow the essence of our glorious expression as women to shine!

Sarah Prout is a bestselling author, co-founder of the Adventures In Manifesting series, entrepreneur, publisher and mumma of 2 little darlings. She reaches over 55,000 followers in over 24 countries around the globe with heartfelt, vibrant and empowering advice about love, business and style. Visit: SarahProut.com.

Sarah Prout is a bestselling author, co-founder of the Adventures In Manifesting series, entrepreneur, publisher and mumma of 2 little darlings. She reaches over 55,000 followers in over 24 countries around the globe with heartfelt, vibrant and empowering advice about love, business and style. See more of Sarah's work on her website.

Comments

  • Fortune

    How do you know if a man/woman is THINKING of someone else during sex, can you literally read his/her mind?

    Men, like women, have desires and feelings too. Most men on the flip side won’t tell their woman anything that will make them feel even more insecure. Trust me as guy, I’ve learned the hard way.

    Women don’t like when a guy is honest and straight forward and even the slightest bit of sugar coating could be blown up out of proportion. Example, I bluntly told my woman once when I was working out, “I think you might want to work on the stomach baby”. That obviously didn’t work. Then I learning to be more sympathetic and a few weeks later I asked her “Do you want to work out with me?” She felt insecure again and kept quiet. Finally I just started working out by myself and left her to her own devices thinking, “Maybe if she sees me doing it she might pick up the habit”. It worked for a day!! But then after that she went back to her old habits.

    To all WOMEN, all a guy wants is a SMOKING HOT woman who keeps herself up and knows how to get things done. It’s plain and simple. When a guy sees a girl work out, it tells him that she cares about her body. If a girl doesn’t care for her body why should the guy? There are many other women out there who appreciate a good looking, handsome, articulate man who handles his business with care. But how many women are there who keep up with their bodies, knows how to hold a conversation and is focused on their career?

    Back on the subject and this is a hypothetical question. if a girl decides she wants to go out to the club with her girlfriends and the guy stays at home, how many guys will the girl look at in one night? hmmm…

    It’s okay to be completely surrounded by drunk blood hounds for hours at a time and have physical contact on a dance floor with dozens of guys but for a guy to take less than a minute of his day to look at another woman is wrong. hmmm…

    It’s okay for a woman to hug, make eye contact and talk to “another guy” for hours in public while her “guy” is at work or home regardless of the occasion, but for a guy to roll his eyeballs in observance of the opposite sex is just plain wrong? hmmm…

    I think a woman has to be very sure of herself and of who she is first. The insecurity thing is what makes guys leave women, duuhhh… If a guy sees that you are too insecure to take care of yourself, he will find someone who isn’t. If the guy sees that you have problems with who he looks at, he will know that you need to fix yourself because nothing that he will do can fix you, and he will leave. The more insecure you are, the more the guy will want to look the other way.

    Again…

    THE MORE INSECURE YOU ARE, THE MORE THE GUY WILL WANT TO LOOK THE OTHER WAY…

    Ask yourself, how come I feel this way when he does this?
    How can I change something about me to trigger a different reaction from him?
    If I do something different, what will he do in response?

    And finally, for all of you beautiful people reading this comment one last note. If the person you are with isn’t at your standards then move on and someone else who is at your standards will show up. Just keep in mind that good guys are hard to find but when you find one DO WHAT EVER YOU CAN TO KEEP HIM, EVEN IF IT MEANS GOING THROUGH HARD TIMES OR WORKING OUT YOUR BODY. The reward of a good guy greatly out-weights the hurt you will feel for a jerk. Good guys come in many flavors but if they are already taken, leave him alone and look for someone single. Just like a guy keeps his eyes open, you should keep yours open too just in case you decide that you want to move on.

    Be good and stay beautiful.

    • Jamie Sue

      I Liked allot of what you said, kind of sounds like a guy version of what I posted, there shouldn’t be a double standard. Yet I have a problem with you talking about a woman’s outer appearance… Sounds like unless she is in tip top shape she isn’t good enough, See I try my best, I eat a clean diet as often as I can and try my best to work out, recently buying a at home stepper, ab roller, and yoga mat yet I am a full time collage student and deal with anxiety and allot of pressure. Especially because I am a perfectionist and and literally have to have everything in my life in routine and order, which is hard with certain circumstances in my life. I have a hard time with keeping everything in balance and keeping up with my routines. I do my best to look as perfect as I can being as compulsively obsessed as I am but I am far from where I’d like to be. I think if my boyfriend placed the pressure of me having a fit figure I’d end up in a mental institution. I agree laziness isn’t attractive (and boy is my boyfriend can be lazy when it comes to working out so i feel you on that!) but sometimes you can’t look the way you want. You weren’t genetically built to have a certain figure and modern lifestyle and a poor economy makes it very difficult to keep up with your body. I have to ask though honestly is that even a reason why you should love someone? My boyfriend has a poor diet that drives me insane and will probably end up getting diabetes when he is older! ( i have been telling him this for years and have lots of knowledge on health and the human body due to my obsessive visual perfectionism) and is far off from as fit as I would like him to be… but I think I worry more about his health than his level of attractiveness and certainly wouldn’t leave him because of a “Pouch” (which is very hard for women to get rid of despite exercise due to female sex hormones that store fat in the lower half of the body! First place to store fat! Last to leave!) I definitely love him for who he is and I think personality reflects how attractive someone is more than anything. I know I am so obsessed with my appearance you would think I judged others harshly but I just feel it is so wrong and what is inside truly counts. You could be the most attractive man on this planet but if you are a jerk it’s a turnoff! (and guess what guys, being a womanizer is very unattractive to us women! It is a HUGE turnoff when we see you staring at other women or find out that you’ve been searching up nudes or porn) Health is very important and should always be taken into account but is someones appearance really that important?has society really become that shallow? The pressure truly is on woman now a days and add periods, cramps, and fluctuating hormones that affect your mood like you wouldn’t believe! Guys have it so easy! Weight loss and building muscle tone is much easier for men than woman! (average men and women anyway) Do your research, hormones have everything to do with it! So why do men have such high expectations for woman? Especially when our hormones get even more fucked and the pounds are really put on reproducing you horny heathens! No one is perfect and love is about acceptance more than anything but god can most of you quit acting like animals and act like gentlemen! Especially in public! A nice genuine guy with respect for ladies is sooooo beyond attractive! When I catch a nice well kept gentlemen looking at my face or into my eyes rather than my rear end I have to resist the urge to jump him. He doesn’t even have Be THAT attractive and certainly not perfect, just respectful. Like PatientEyes said, The more you look at other woman the more we want to leave you! I think allot of the woman on here can agree with me, that when we catch our man looking at other woman not only are we hurt but we get a sick feeling and our stomachs begin to turn. That is because we now find you REPULSIVE! yes REPULSIVE and a nice smile paired with a fit muscular body will not change that. If we have to put up with dirty, disrespectful, horny, womanizing animals with male egos that are so large it’s suffocating can’t you men deal with a belly pouch that assist in bringing you all into this world? I mean with periods, hormones, mood swings, child birth and overall body discomfort that we have to deal with so you lecherous men and exist you could have a bit more respect for us. I am beginning to sound like a feminist here but you men could try a little harder to not stare at other woman around your own. Ladies just so I am not being completely hypocritical, men do have hormones too that make them very sexual. You can count on them thinking about woman from time to time and even looking at other woman so we should try to be understanding of this. Let’s not use our female hormonal issues as an excuse either to completely let ourselves go! We should doll up from time to time for our man in the bedroom, and do our best to be as attractive as we can be. I mean why not try to make yourselves drop dead gorgeous when you go out with your guy? He’ll be more worried about all the men staring at you than him staring at other woman! (Ah, men, such jealous creatures as well) So to conclude yet another novel I have written on this topic, We should love our partners unconditionally.; Men should be more respectful and try to pay more attention to their girlfriend and boost her confidence by assuring her that she is Sexy, Beautiful, and there is no competition! (because there shouldn’t be!) Stop thinking about sex for a moment and appreciate your girl for who she is, inside and out! and women it wouldn’t hurt if you were a little more understanding and tried to fulfill some of your mans sexual fantasies. We should try to be more confident for own selves more than anything! Let us raise our standards for men as high as their standards are for us and not settle for disrespectful behavior. Why give them what they want when we have to compromise? Personally I don’t think I can stomach much more of this behavior from my boyfriend, I refuse. I want to take 5 showers when I think about how perverted he is in regards other woman and actually sleeping with that kind of guy. I think if he keeps it up all he’ll have left is those naked pictures and his right hand. I already made it clear that I would self submit a photo of myself for all the men of the world to see if he continues to view provocative pictures like that… Seems fair I think.

    • Alleycat

      What kind of women have you been involved with? I Myself have been married 8 years, maintained the same perfectly fit figure, and “SHIT” would not get done around here if it was not for me.I take care of my mind, body, man, and my household. My husband on the other hand is lazy and has gained about 35+ pounds. I tried in the beginning to be the understanding, afraid to nag, open minded wife, that has only gotten me cheated on, publicly embarrassed by the “wandering eye”, and a hefty insecurity issue. As a married woman I do not find it necessary to catch the eye of other men, go out to clubs to grind with other men,nor do I so much as acknowledge other men when I am not with my husband, even when they pursue me. So explain again how it is just my “insecurity” and it’s all my fault?
      And I have to agree with some of the previous comments, if it was only a once over and keep it moving thing there would be no problem, as we all have eyes and will see beautiful people, but for a man to be out with his woman/wife and keep looking at the girl in the pink leggings to the left to either undress her with his eyes, check her for flaws, or see if she’s checking him out………He seems like the insecure one to me. A little sick even. Women spare your selves the heart ache.

    • Jaded

      Dear Fortune,

      I did have a hot body, confidence and look after my appearance in general when I met my man however this still didn’t stop him from noticing other women wherever we went – what’s your advice now? I’ve given up trying and his behaviour is still the same…

    • Jenna

      Wow, you sound incredibly shallow. All I read are comments about a woman’s appearance and not about a woman’s emotions! Good guys out there will not have a bias opinion, they’ll be able to look at both sides of the situation, and he will not be saying “duuuuh”.

    • Sal

      Blah blah blah..whatever idiot..go jerk off in your mom’s basement..and it’s WOMAN and MAN NOT WOMAN and GUY!

    • brooke

      Ditto!

  • PatientEyes

    Fortune – Thanks for your valuable input, I wish more guys would address this sensitive issue. I have a comment on one statement you made, which was:

    “THE MORE INSECURE YOU ARE, THE MORE THE GUY WILL WANT TO LOOK THE OTHER WAY…”

    I’ve heard this from men enough times (via articles, opinions, etc.) to know that this holds true for many men. My natural response to this is:

    THE MORE MEN LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN, THE MORE (AND FASTER) A WOMAN WILL LEAVE HIM.

    So, question is, where do we draw the line and compromise, sacrifice for the sake of the relationship?

    Men, for the most part, have no idea of how hard it is for a woman to NOT be insecure in societies where men still set the rules for what is considered beauty. If you had to live under the pressure we live under, you would be more tolerant of “our insecurities.” Something to ponder, guys…

  • Eric

    Hi gals, I’m going to give you all a guys prospective on this issue. Let’s start by me saying that I feel your pain and anguish. There is nothing wrong by looking or glazing at an attractive person, yes women do it too! But there is fine line between looking and staring. Its called the 2 second rule. If a person man or women looks more than 2 seconds at a person of the opposite sex then its starting. And I agree that its totally disrespectful. Now let me share with you the reason why men stare at women. There simply not happy with YOU!! A relationship always needs work to stay healthy. Not 50- 50 but 100% from each person. Once in a while a guy, that is not happy, while see if he still has that ability to pick up on a hot chick. He stares to see if that person gives him that sexy wink, smile, or even eye contact and then he knows he has her. Some men also feel insecure about themselves and have low self esteem and try to see if they still have that spark they once had. Sometimes men stare because there hungry for you know what. Just think about this for a moment women peak on their testosterone level in between that fertile time period of approximately a week. Men have this issue everyday of their lives. Men are programmed to self produce all the time. Women are programmed for only a week of every month. Let me also point out that men are attracted to beautiful women the same way a women is attracted to a man that has power or is wealthy. Its the law of self preservation. Let me also clear something else, men don’t think of other women during sex. Its nearly impossible for a man to look at you and see another person unless of course your watching a sex tape during sex or he has a huge poster of Carmen Electra on his wall. So my advice is keep your relationship alive and treat your man like a king and he wouldn’t have eyes for no one else.

    • mojo

      thanks for the advice Eric there must be a lot of unhappy men around.. I work in the transport industry which is typically male environment I would say 99% would ogle the calendar girls the girls that come in for parts for the cars the girls that pick there husbands up the office girls in fact any women..i feel sorry for your because you must never feel content .Men simply look because they can…. one step away from a pervert.. I am sure ken Barlow jimmy saviel was treated like a king.. its about self control being content so stop talking shit lets get some respect back in our relationships

    • John

      Wrong..women are attracted to men that are hot..and good and bed..that’s why they procreate with a lot of losers…not millionaires…women were actually biologically programmed to procreate in every town with as many different men as possible so they can have stronger and different genetic in children..You’ve read the wrong book man! Nothing to do with money

  • frustrated!

    What about if your husband is really hot and instead of him just looking at other women they are looking at him too….meaning we are sitting at dinner and he is making regular eye contact with the young hottie 2 tables over. I feel like he is sending a clear message to her AND me.

    • DaisyD

      Agreed! That would really suck. I have no problem with a guy checking out other women. I do have a problem with them making repeated eye contact and trying to communicate with glances throughout the evening. I find it extremely disrespectful and see no reason to justify that kind of behavior.

      I recently had a similar experience. I had been seeing a guy for a couple of months. He was putting a lot of pressure on me to be exclusive. One night I was late to our date and it was clear when I arrived that he had been chatting up two cute younger women at the bar. No problem. He’s a red-blooded unattached male, plus he was there to see me. The fact that he was obviously getting attention from two younger women made me more interested in him.

      But as the night went on, I noticed he kept taking opportunities to look their way. By the third time, I just asked innocently, “Do you want to go say goodnight to them before they leave?” He got super defensive and immediately had the string of excuses — I was trying to look at the game on the TV in the corner, someone was standing over my shoulder and it makes me tense, they are not my type at all; then he went on the offensive — I’m surprised you are so insecure …

      That’s what bothered me: first the lying, and then trying to make it about me. Needless to say, that was our last date.

    • morena beuaty

      Agree to you daisy.. had closely the same the situation to you..Me too I had no problem that he check out on other women, as long as i am not with him or i don’t caught him staring. all i want is respect because it drive me crazy and upset.. it happened many times, every time i caught him its squashing my heart. there was once, we went for cinema.., after we watched the movie, we went out and there was lady standing next to the door, we just walked pass by, and he stare, not once ,not twice but trice. he stare her many times because im sure he was checking on me if i was watching to him., so what i did, i removed my hand to his hand and then i walked fast. trying to stay away from him.,i know he was looking also to here while when were in the escalator.. so i just dont talk to him until we arrived in the apartment pretending that nothing insecurities strike on me.. so he keep asking what he have done wrong, but obiously, he know what. so i just told him , i wont tell him i want him to fell the same way someday. i dont care how many girls he will stare as long as i cant caught him. all that matters is a respect.

    • Jamie Sue

      Ah a typical male and their ego… always pointing figures and never does anything wrong in their eyes!

  • cayla

    I’m currently 7 months pregnant and I always catch my bf looking at chicks much smaller than me especially ones in bikinis makes me feel even worse he tells me I’m beautiful and all but I can’t seem to believe it when he stares at these women its beyond a glance he will stare at them

  • nicole

    In my opinion there should be no need to look at other women if he’s happy with the person sitting in front or standing next to him. I don’t find the need to look and ogle at other men cause I’m happy and I respect who I’m with.

    • Maria

      I agree!

    • Lee

      Totally true!!!

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