10.30.12 Love

5 Tips For Dealing With Your Partner Looking At Other Women

5 Tips For Dealing With Your Partner Looking At Other Women

BY Sarah Prout

Men look at other women and it’s perfectly normal. However, many women feel uncomfortable and start fuming (read: steam billowing out of their ears) when they see their lover eye-balling a younger woman wearing a tight dress or bust them looking at the most ridiculously-themed porn. Have you seen some of that stuff? It’s seriously hilarious and I know you know what I’m talking about.

Here are some practical tips for dealing with this situation:

1. See it for what it is.
I think that the base cause of the feelings of discomfort for women when their partners look at other ladies can be insecurity and it’s really a pointless waste of your precious energy. From personal experience I can honestly say there have been times that my blood wanted to boil when I caught my partner mentally undressing a random woman in a restaurant, supermarket or in the post office. But the biological essence of the situation is that it means nothing. Literally nothing. It’s a fleeting surge that happens within the mind of the man and doesn’t mean he’s going to spontaneously sweep the attractive stranger off her feet and run away with her.

2. Jealousy is not very pretty.
Some men are better than others when it comes to taking a sneaky peek at a hottie. I know if I was a man I’d be pretty good at it I think. I’m pretty good at it now when I check out a man I find attractive.

The key point to remember here is that it’s about feeling worthy within yourself and not letting jealously rattle your cage. By comparing yourself to the woman you bust your partner looking at can be really upsetting and damaging to your
self-esteem if you let it.

3. Transform your fear into trust.
Just remember that it’s not an opportunity to question the special nature of your relationship or question your own unique attractiveness. Fear always attracts more fear so make sure that you approach any issues that make you feel
awkward with a sense of calm when you feel it’s necessary to discuss this with your partner.

Essentially, it’s all about empowerment: feeling comfortable in your own skin so it shouldn’t bother you whatsoever if your man checks out other women.

4. Invite your partner to channel the sexual energy towards you.
I opened a discussion to my boyfriend recently about this tpic as he felt slightly uncomfortable expressing to me that he indeed feels attracted to other women. I told him that this falls into the category of his own private conversation with the Universe and I don’t need to know everything. I also told him that the way I intend to view the situation is that I’m the lucky lady that gets to have all of that energy channelled into me (if you catch my drift) in the privacy and sanctity of our relationship.

5. Allow yourself to shine.
I’ve spent way too much of my life not feeling worthy and choosing to get grumpy over stupid, insignificant stuff. But I’m choosing NOW to be the best time ever to celebrate my own sexiness, my own beauty and my own ability to intend that I feel secure in all situations that arise. The key is alignment and moving away from fear based sense of false competition to allow the essence of our glorious expression as women to shine!

Sarah Prout is a bestselling author, co-founder of the Adventures In Manifesting series, entrepreneur, publisher and mumma of 2 little darlings. She reaches over 55,000 followers in over 24 countries around the globe with heartfelt, vibrant and empowering advice about love, business and style. Visit: SarahProut.com.

Sarah Prout is a bestselling author, co-founder of the Adventures In Manifesting series, entrepreneur, publisher and mumma of 2 little darlings. She reaches over 55,000 followers in over 24 countries around the globe with heartfelt, vibrant and empowering advice about love, business and style. See more of Sarah's work on her website.

Comments

  • Lola

    Hi everyone. I have another opinion. My bf will keep looking over at another woman several times–almost as if he’s waiting to see if she’ll look back at him. He’s an average looking guy and not too many women check him out. I think he is trying to attract attention and it’s based on his own ego, or need to make sure he’s still relevant. It’s awkward because it almost always makes the other woman uncomfortable. It’s kind of gotten to be a sport for me…as I chuckle to myself about how ridiculous it is I try and count his glances to see if he can out-do himself from previous times. And then, sadly, my interest in him and any conversation dwindles and I find myself wondering what it will be like when I dump him and find a real, confident, respectful, classy man who recognizes that this will never make me feel insecure, or that I need to understand how the male mind works (who cares) — but that this is such a poor reflection of himself. No other woman wants to be leered at by a man sitting with his wife/girlfriend. The way my mind works is that I know I will eventually align myself with a partner who shows me the same respect that I show him. And trust me…I’m not looking at other men when I’m with a man. The end result of this, coupled with his other insecurities, is that I have lost interest and respect for the man I loved…and for what? Sad really.

  • PrettiestLilAngelYoullEverReve

    Checking out other women is not justifiable. If you both do it fine. But in a relationship you give up so much of yourself for that person. If You give them 100 % of your faithfulness why should you settle for anything less? It’s not ok, it’s not justifiable. I’ve started doing this thing where when my boyfriend checks put another girl, I find a man to make out with. It’s the same thing. He’s not ok with me kissing other guys, even though it’s meaningless, and fleeting why should I be ok with him eye fucking them? Dear women, don’t swallow this cap. If a man checks out other women he is disrespecting you, mentaly cheating on you, and yoi deserve SOOOOOOO much better than that. And there’s no difference between doing it dscreetly, and full on gawking they’re both disrespectful. DON’T PUT UP WITH IT LADIES!!!! If every woman actually took a stand against men being dirt bags, instead of justifying it by saying ‘boys will be boys’ then men would be forced to start being faithful. Mnetally and visually.

  • Suzy

    Yeah just you embrace your own sexiness whilst ur man checks out other women…..seriously get a grip!!! Stop trying to mentally overcome the fact that your man is behaving inappropriately. He is clearly not satisfied. I have dated plenty of men who do not do this. If my partner behaved in this way then i would move on. Im worth more than that 🙂

  • Christina

    I’m in a rather unique situation, or at least I’ve never heard anyone mention a relationship with a boyfriend/husband like this before. I’m 29 and I met my husband 5 years ago. I don;t know why I am the way I am but I am really really sensitive and have always been this way, and honestly I have come to seriously love this about myself (i suspect I inherited this from my dad bc hes way sensitive too..). Anyway, I met my now husband Alex five years ago and this is the first time Ive ever been in love. It’s also the first time ive been so afraid that a guy could find someone else attractive. I know people think Im really pretty and that I should model, and i think Im beautiful too (although when i first hit puberty I looked like an alien and nobody liked me, up until like i was 19 years old and a freshman in college, and I still carry those hurt feelings with me today..). BUT heres what i really wanted to mention. See, Ive had many fights with my husband about me accusing or suspecting him of looking at or finding someone else attractive and hes always denied it. Hes since taken TWO polygraph tests where i asked has he ever in the five years weve been together found anyone else attractive, or lied to me about looking at another woman, or masturbated, or fantasized about anyone or anything else, and both times he passed completely. He’s also willing to take a brain scan test to prove this as well, which leaves me wondering, “what is wrong with me?” I found this gorgeous, ridiculously handsome man, who is everything I could ever want and more, and still I get afraid. I know I’ll probably get a lot of criticism and and hateful responses by posting this, and ive never told anyone this before not even my mom, but suddenly i just feel a need to open up about my story, thanks for listening..

  • Terra

    “Jealously isn’t very pretty” because don’t forget ladies, your feelings are invalid if they don’t make you “pretty”. I’m just tired of the double standards. My husband would be hurt if I looked at other men so I don’t, he owes me the same respect.

  • Annalee

    OMG who was the crack pot who wrote this?! Seriously I am an educated individual with 4 children, an aunt, a cousin with a baby on the way, and 5 dogs. I don’t have time to be insecure! I am more than superwoman doing everything for my family & NOONE gets neglected but me. I mean I get shower time & a enough me time to satisfy but the neglect I’m talking about is in the bedroom. My other half does nothing but stares down other females when we’re in public & NEVER is looking at me. I will be dressed to impress, my make-up professional perfect, and looking fly as he’ll & he still notices everyone but me. Mostly imodestly dressed women. So you’re telling me I should dress like a slut like they do or just suck it up that he is being very rude, disrespectful, and down right unloyal?! What about me? It can’t be all about him & what makes him happy. I as a woman who believe men & women are equals believe yes he could “glance” at other women when he’s not with me as long as he’s not profusely staring like his eyes are going to pop out of his head then yes I see nothing wrong with that because I do trust him. But when with me he should have respect & not make his eyeballs pop out of his head at every bare skinned chest that walks by or every set of butt cheeks hanging out of the bottom of shorts. That is rude, unloyal, and when he stares too long like that he is fanticising and he’ll no I don’t want him thinking about that woman he saw earlier when he is making love to ME. That my friend is as good as cheating when he has all this fine specimen of a woman to look at, show off, compliment, & love on and he don’t do any of these things with me. But he sure does like to look at what’s out there & tell how pretty they are! ??? How about you do an article about something like that where neither side bows down to the other & let’s them have their way even if it’s degrading to the other one. Where both sides compromise and come to a happy medium not a solution where the woman is completely submissive to the man, something that could actually help couples.

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