05.07.13 Love

The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet : Sadie Brown

Learning to Trust Your Instincts When Finding the Perfect Mate

BY Sadie Brown

I often write about Alexander Skarsgard in my journals: what’s not to love? A beautiful Swedish blond with piecing eyes, great humor, and he smells of Calvin Klein. However, if Alex turned out to be a knob in person (I pray he isn’t) that would be that.

So when I say I know what I want, regardless of the visual beauty in front of me, I mean it. I will not sacrifice a genuine attraction, and that just does not happen often for me: but I will wait as long as I need to.

I believe that we are, in some ways, conditioned to believe that the person you end up with is not all hearts and flowers, but shouldn’t it be? My mother said to me as a young lady, “You don’t marry your passion.” But I wouldn’t want to marry anybody else. I’m not talking teenage lust (a la Skarsgard)- I follow my heart.

I recall one Easter sitting around the dinning table at a friend’s with her husband and two other couples. I was placed at the head table in true Bridget Jones style feeling their sympathetic eyes on me. I waited for the inevitable “boyfriend” question, which of course came. As I navigated my way through a minefield of questions, it struck me how, actually, I wouldn’t want any of the relationships in front of me. They weren’t right for me.

Love is subjective; no one is “perfect” in reality, but the number of stories I hear along the lines of, “I’m at the age, he wouldn’t leave me, and I can’t afford the flat on my own” I silently reject.

Are my standards too high? I don’t think so, in fact, I think I’m being more real by staying single until I find something mind blowing. Settling for someone who will contribute to the rent, shower me with gifts, always be a bit more into me than I am to him – Real? Absolutely not.

At 35 I have pressing thoughts about babies, too. I adore children and have been broody since 23 but, it hasn’t happened yet. Am I about to panic and find someone, anyone, who will have me? No! Yes, I am honestly a little afraid my eggs are going past their sale-by date, but like everything in life, I know it will happen at the right time.

I guess it goes back to being happy on your own, because if you were surely you wouldn’t settle for a guy that gives you a certain lifestyle? Even more worrying is the belief that you couldn’t achieve that lifestyle on your own. I say it is better to live your life for you and let the perfect person take that journey with you – that’s what I will settle for.

Ultimately, you have to listen to and trust your inner voice, with the emphasis on you. No one can ever tell you what your heart feels and what your life choices should be because they are simply not you. Stay true to your self and listen to your instincts, for they are your instincts so they can never be wrong. Stay strong, and hold on for what you truly truly want!

Sadie Brown is an author, writer, and mini style icon. Her move into writing comes after years in the music business as an artist. She is a proud Londoner who also loves New York City, so she splits her time between the two writing about it along the way, "The Big Apple welcomes my big English style, words, and thighs every time!" A regular in the glossies, she fuses together her love of fashion and writing on her journal, covering everything from dating to weight gain, with a healthy injection of humour and dresses. Her first full hilarious novel A Diary of Wrongness is due for release in 2014, along with a number of writing projects aimed to empower women, and tackle some of the more serious topics that the novel touches. "I hope this story will inspire women to value and love themselves exactly as they are and feel GREAT about it!" You can follow Sadie on Twitter @sadiewriter.

Comments

  • Lovely article, Sadie! Thank you so much for your sentiments. I agree with all of them, 100%. I told a friend the other day, I’m willing to wait as long as it takes until I find that person who, when I’m with them, makes me feel like I’m “home.”

  • Megan

    You have articulated perfectly what all strong, single people feel but that seemingly happy but often miserable married people fail to understand. Thank you for such a well written and honest piece

  • trela

    Beautifully said Sadie!! Its a great reminder to find happiness on your own not that someone else will bring you the happiness. I always get the pressure from family and friends and I just ignore it now, I focus on myself and what I makes me happy. I’m a firm believee everything happens for a reason.

    • Totally Trela. Being 100% happy on your own and making your own choices is the way to find a pefect love I say, thank you for reading! X

  • Nicolette

    This Completely resonates with me! People often wonder If there is ‘something wrong’ if you don’t have a partner. I loved this article. Thank you so much for sharing this!!

    • You go Nicolette! Thank you for reading X

  • Such a great article. It seems now adays if a woman is single there seems to be something wrong with her or she’s just “too picky”. I like that you’ve said we should be in some aspects and allow more for ourselves.

    • Thank you Naty, there ain’t nothing wrong with knowing what you want! X

  • Ayo

    Such a great piece of writing that really resonates with me. Out of all my married friends there is only one relationship that I look at and think that’s the type of relationship I would want to be in one day, although they rarely have sex so maybe throw tat in or good measure. I’m 36 and always have focused on enjoying my life and not settling as I know that that would ultimately end up hurting everyone in the long term. So I have to hold my nerve and keep on living,

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