06.04.12 Sexuality

5 Tips for Your First One-Night-Stand

5 Tips for Your First One-Night-Stand

BY Carly Heiser

So, you’ve never had a one night stand before? Don’t worry, you have to start somewhere. Well, you don’t HAVE to, but if you feel like you’re comfortable enough with your sexuality to start having sex with strangers then by all means, read on. That’s important, by the way – being comfortable in your skin and confident in yourself. The world of strange men can be a harsh place and the last thing we want are more damaged goods hanging out in the bar. So, if you’re sure you wanna do this, then here we go…

1. Be prepared – Before you even put on that sexy underwear for the night, know what you want and what your terms are. If he’s too freaky and you’re not comfortable, make it known. Don’t ever do anything you are not comfortable with – you don’t “owe” him just because he bought you drinks and said you were pretty. Carry condoms with you or make sure you have some at your place if that’s where the deed will be done. Have cash for a cab if you need to bail. Let your girls know where you’re going, who you’re going with and make sure they see his face. A little promiscuity is awesome but it must always be done intelligently.

2. Be picky – You’re a friggin’ gold medal and these dudes gotta win you in order to take you home. Do not settle for the first drunk guy who is maybe kind of cute. This dude needs to buy you a drink and chat you up at least enough to make you laugh. Why buy you a drink? Because it means he wants to impress you and he’s not a scrub. Why make you laugh? Because a guy with a sense of humor is a good time and they’re usually smarter than one without. If you’re not having fun, move on to the next dude. There are plenty of them.

3. Be honest – This isn’t a date. I repeat: This is not a date. There’s a little agreement guys and girls have with each other when they deliver the “Wanna get outta here?” line at a bar or club and the agreement is that this isn’t a date. You two might like each other after all the good clean debauchery is over, but this is not the night to make promises or get breakfast. If you want to kick him out, do so. If you want to leave, then leave. The main course of the night is sex. Everything after that is up to you and him independently. That being said, don’t bring a dude home unless you’re going to “do it”. Teases aren’t any fun, and did I mention this isn’t a date? This is not a date.

4. Be a guy – “But I’m a girl!” you shout in protest. That’s right, but tonight, you think like a man. You’re not looking for a future mate, you’re looking for a good time! And so are they. When you get them home, they’re not going to be thinking about what you two will be doing any further from your bedroom. Keep that in mind. Some guys like to cuddle. Not many do. Keep that in mind. He might ask for your number as a formality but that’s because you might have just shared a bed, not because he wants to call you. Keep that in mind. Don’t take any of this personally. This is only sex, after all.

5. Be Sexy – This guy doesn’t know who you are at all! How cool and fun is that? And guess what? Even if you’re a nerdy girl who likes to stay in and watch movies usually, tonight you put on your hot girl disguise and you’re a sexy bombshell whose milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Yeah, get used to it because you’re sexy. Say it. I’m sexy. That’s right you are. Say it in the mirror, say it in your head, tell your girls they’re sexy too, because guess what? Sexy people get laid. And YOU are sexy.

Featured image by je@n on Flickr

Carly Heiser is a comedian, performer, and writer as well as a recent graduate of Illinois State University with a Bachelors degree in Theatre Studies. She writes a lot of things and you can read some of them on her Tumblr at hippoboat.tumblr.com and Twitter @carlyheiser. She currently resides in Chicago.

Comments

  • Marc George

    Totally awesome, I love every part of it. Perfect advice for my newly-out gay men’s group. Thank you so much!

  • guest

    how about waiting until marriage instead of sleeping around and risk catching a serious STD or worse HIV??  These sexually transmitted diseases won’t go away any time soon but there is a CURE and it’s called ABSTINENCE. Nobody can catch HPV, AIDS, or and STD if they don’t do anything. 

    • EXACTLY

      That’s strange, I didn’t know everyone who ever had sex before marriage got an STD! Thanks so much for your enlightening opinions! I will surely stop embracing my sexuality and REALLY start living in fear of my body!

    • Alex Reynolds

      Stop being so selfish and meaningless and thinking of YOUR sexuality, and do something meaningful in life for a change

    • Ella

      WOW! you’re life must be fun. In case you hadn’t noticed, the article doesn’t say anything along the lines of “go out, go crazy and catch every STI on the market” in fact, it made a point of saying (the first point may i add) that everyone should be sensible and carry condoms at all times. Posts like this are from people living int he dark ages, times have changed. What about someone who never wants to get married? I want to concentrate on my career and don’t want marriage? should i never have sex?

    • Alex Reynolds

      No you shouldn’t, use a vibrator and stop debasing yourself. Materialism is a waste of a mind, learn to do important things rather than meaningless ones.

  • Anonymous Girl

    Thanks for this article. I just had my first ONS and I was beating myself up about it. But I feel better now. I’m a woman! And I have needs too!!!! 🙂

    • Alex Reynolds

      Well too bad because men dont want relationships with women who dont value their eggs, this isnt a need, it’s an instinct, congrats your biochemistry tricked you into lowering yourself

  • Alex Reynolds

    Thanks for showing people how to cheapen themselves and become a slut, you need to learn evolutionary psychology 101 and why men dont want cheap women who have no morals

    • Anonymous

      Hey guess what? I don’t give a fuck what “most men” want, neither do any of the females who read up on this article. Have fun playing with yourself, you’re obviously mad that chicks get more ass than you, toddleooooo!

    • Alex Reynolds

      lmao thats exactly why women like you will be 40 and single, because no one wants an easy woman, sorry your genes have biologically been rejected because you spread yourself around too much.

  • Alex Reynolds

    Meaningless sex is for meaningless people

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