06.27.12 Sexuality

You’re Sexy, Get Over It!

You’re Sexy, Get Over It!

BY Ashley Perez

“There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don’t need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain.” ― Audrey Hepburn

I’ll be the first to admit that I am somewhat of an “inner beauty” snob. Blame it on Oprah or one too many Dove body wash commercials, but any way you look at it, I’m all about the insides. And that, my friends, is why my mind is currently reeling. You see, this weekend I had a conversation that caught me completely off guard: a boy, without any provocation whatsoever, proceeded to tell me all the things about me that give me “sex appeal” and make me “really pretty”.

What on earth?! Now, there are two ways to take this conversation – out of context and in context. Out of context, this guy sounds kind of creepy and like a pig; after all, why is he talking about my sex appeal to my face? But I promise you the conversation was neither creepy nor pig-like, though the context was still shocking to me.

Shocking, why? After all, shouldn’t a girl be complimented every once in a while? Absolutely. But let’s not forget I’m an inner beauty snob.

Call it survival of the unfittest, Anti-Darwinism or “Josie Grosie” syndrome, but at some point during my grande entrance into womanhood (I’m guessing somewhere around adolescence, aka Britney Spears’ “I’m not a girl, not yet at woman” time) I came to the conclusion that I was not beautiful.

Hmmm… Or maybe that’s too strong a sentiment. I was not under the impression that I was hideous, and at no point in time did I walk around with a brown paper bag on my head so as not to anger the villagers. Rather, it was more the thought that my beauty was minimal, comparable, enough… an afterthought of sorts. Kinda the “she’s not so bad” attitude that many of us young women have succumbed to.

So what, then, is our survival tactic, our defense mechanism of choice? That’s easy: inner beauty. If there’s one thing no one can fault you on, it’s your dedication to the cultivation of inner beauty. After all, a little inner beauty goes a long way, and it’s definitely a pursuit worthy of a lifetime. And though I mainly agree with myself, I also see a danger in depending on inner beauty as your only form of self-worth.

By relying on your inner beauty to get you through the long days and cold nights, you might miss a very valuable truth: you ARE beautiful. Yes are, as in presently and currently beautiful. You are beautiful, pretty and dare I say it… SEXY! I dared, I said it. You’re sexy. Get over it!

Get over yourself. I know that it was all in the name of self-preservation that all the self-deprecation came about, but the time for that is gone. Time to embrace yourself, your whole self for what you are – a beautiful woman.

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my womanhood and what that means to me in my early 20s. From what I can gather, womanhood is about embracing the idea that you really can have it all, you can be poised, passionate, sexy, intelligent and loved. Or in the words of a young Jennifer Garner via 13 going on 30, you can be “thirty, flirty and thriving”.

I don’t know exactly how it happens, but as young adolescent girls, we quickly learn to separate ourselves into the “good parts” – worthy of love, affection, and praise – and the “bad parts”, which we hurriedly brush under the rug. For me the good parts were on the inside: my intelligence, humor and wit; those were the parts I let shine through. For some girls it’s the opposite; they are championed for their beauty and quickly forget to cultivate the rest. But here’s the truth: both are equally damaging.

Here’s the lie: You are either beautiful on the inside or pretty on the outside.

Here’s what I say: That’s a load of bull. You as a woman are inherently both. You are stronger than you’ll ever know, more intelligent than you are given credit for and you are beautiful beyond measure.

So you know what? It’s time to drop the illusion. You’re sexy, get over it!

Ashley, like many other 20-somethings, is trying to figure out how to be a classy, sassy woman of character in a 21st century society. She's definitely a Hannah, though she has some Shoshana-like qualities. An English teacher in South Korea by day, she moonlights as a lover of Dawson's Creek reruns by night. She's cooler than this bio makes her sound, which is why you should check out her blog, Boys are IDOTS and her website, www.twentyandto.com a guide to getting your life together in your 20s.  She also tweets @itsashleyperez

Comments

  • The

  • Mosaic87

    Laugh out loud funny and thought provoking- all within the same sentence. You’ve got me thinking about my own perception of inner/outer beauty. I’m right there with you when you say that the time for self deprecation for the sake of self reservation is gone.  After all, there is so much beauty in confidence, right?

    Very well written Ashley, loved the read!

  • I LOVE this. I think sometimes the wonderful and amazing women of the self-love movement currently going on (of which I’m a part) tend to try and ignore the outward appearance altogether, and I personally don’t think that’s completely realistic. It’s important to focus on inner beauty and value yourself for more than your looks. Of course!! But it’s also important to virtually every girl and woman to also feel good about how she looks, if we’re all being honest, and to ignore that doesn’t really solve the problem.

    At our blog, we say, “Inner AND outer beauty celebrated here,” because we don’t believe it has to be one or the other but both – that we ALL have both. I think you have explained it beautifully.

  • Mihaela_2k4

    ‘womanhood is about embracing the idea that you really can have it all, you can be poised, passionate, sexy, intelligent and loved’ 
    Love, love, love this part!!

  • Christine

    fun read! love 

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