06.04.12 Truth & Wisdom

When Friendships Aren’t a Given

When Friendships Aren’t a Given

BY Jessica Brown

If you were to name the three things that are most important to you in life, that you absolutely couldn’t live without – I’m going to put myself out on a limb and say with conviction that one of the three would be your closest friends. Friendships are the foundation of our lives – throughout life we encounter work, family, health and love afflictions, and it’s predominantly our friendships that help us through these difficulties.

I’m at a bumpy point in life. I’ve finished studying and I’ve recently moved away from home for a job – to the opposite end of the country – where I initially knew no-one. I quickly learnt the disparity between university students and those in full-time work. The latter have much less time for making friends. My colleagues have their lives to go home to at 5:30 – why would they be interested in making a new friend?

We’re brought up being told to rely on no-one but ourselves for our own happiness. I’m convinced that the first time this piece of advice was given it was to someone going through a break up. Relying on others in a romantic sense can sometimes be unhealthy. With friends however, it’s a different story. Our close friendships are one of the very few things in life that we can admit to needing. There’s no shortage of research proving that those who maintain good friendships into old age live longer, healthier and happier.

Friends help define us. Not through who we are, but by supporting us and giving us the confidence to execute our true selves to the outside world. To have someone know you better than you know yourself, to feel your pain as much as you do and to pick up the phone just to see how your day is going is invaluable. Friends are invaluable.

I’m the sort of person that feels uncomfortable in large groups of people – I’ve always had a few really close friends rather than a large group of friends. Throughout my life so far I’ve had some amazing friendships. Some have led me to be braver than I ever thought I was capable of being, some have given me invaluable advice that I would never have found elsewhere. When I think about my past friendships I feel nostalgic to the extent that my stomach knots. Just like mothers, fathers, siblings and partners, friendships are a unique relationship that cannot be fulfilled by another.

At some stages in life it’s not completely uncommon for some of us to find the friend part of our lives lacking. Circumstances such as relocating for work, for example, can mean starting from scratch again – except now you’re not in school it’s a little more difficult to break into already-existent friendship groups.

As a human race, we can be a pretty friendly bunch. Yet, the more popular amongst us can be forgiven for assuming that the rest of us all have buzzing social lives. If you have a great group of friends – why would it cross your mind that the woman going the extra mile to make conversation with you doesn’t have a phone overflowing with contacts, too?

As we get older, it becomes harder to make friends. Yet, as our age increases, so does the potential of friendships and the impact they can have on our lives. Work colleagues tell me to ‘get myself out’ to ‘go and sit in a bar on your own and people will start talking to you.’ Unfortunately, it’s not that easy for everyone.

My advice? If you find yourself circumstantially low on friends – stay strong, reminisce on your past friendships and look forward to the day when you will once again be surrounded by familiar laughter and constant support. Like Lady Gaga said on the show, loneliness can be enjoyed – and you’re going to make friends far quicker if you look like you’re enjoying life.

Featured Image via Tranchis on Flickr

Jessica is a blogger, freelance writer and currently works as a copywriter. She lives in England, where she has her head in the clouds, dreaming of a future where she can write all day, every day. Read her blog at cantshutitup.blogspot.com.


  • I think you’ve communicated a life lesson about friendship I think so many women probably don’t even get to teach us young gals until they’ve experienced it themselves. But regardless of our age, it’s such a wonderful reminder to remember past friendships but also to look forward to the inevitable ones to come. I love it, thanks for writing!

  • thanks for posting that even stay at home moms feel that way too

  • TheConversationFan

    When I was watching the show, I thought, no one seems to be talking about the importance of friendship and how there are a lot of women out there struggling to find good friends. I am in that situation right now, my boyfriend is moving away and we are breaking up and there is going to be a void left, a void which would be considerably less uncomfortable if I had friends close to me..

    • sweety

      i know the feeling i split up with my ex in january and only have a few friends ive always found it difficult to connect with people.i do get out occasionaly but they have children so have days that they only spend with them.I cant really say ive felt supported by them through it nor by my mother so its been a hard time.

    •  Sorry to hear you are feeling lonely < I was saying the same thing only today to my friend .In truth you have space in your life to attract some genuine friendships . I have had times when I had so few people in my life ,so  I made a list with all the qualities I was looking for   in a friendship and then I set about BECOMING that person myself . You attract what you are . So set out to BE the friend you want !

Every week in your inbox!

  • Exclusive notes and videos from Amanda de Cadenet.
  • Early access to our Limited Space Workshops.
  • Amanda’s Favorites and Special Offers shared with you weekly.
  • Exclusive notes and videos from Amanda de Cadenet.
  • Early access to our Limited Space Workshops.
  • Amanda’s Favorites and Special Offers shared with you weekly.
Subscribe Now

to receive our newsletter every Tuesday.

Sign up here for my Weekly Newsletter and Exclusive Updates: