08.26.12 Wellness

De-Clutter Your Cranium To Make Room For The Good Stuff

BY Terri Cole

We hear a lot about shedding the excess physically, but what about the mental clutter and baggage? Let’s start this cleanse with the question “What is your racket?” Meaning what is the nonsense story you continually tell yourself about yourself that gets in your way?

Let me share one of mine. When I was in my 20s I used to declare, “I can’t cook.”  Finally, my mother said, “Terri, that is so tired. If you can read, you can cook. Why don’t you just say what you really mean, that you don’t want to cook? Which is fine.” Um…well… yea, I guess I never thought of that. I was afraid if I learned how to cook, someone would expect it of me. I would have to be some kind of magician in the kitchen all meals all the time.

Now that you have an idea of what I’m talking about, here are some steps to giving yourself that deep down spring clean.

Step One: Identifying your Racket
What are the negative tales you think, say, or feel about yourself?  What do you tell yourself you CANNOT do? Think of the ways you put yourself down in front of others or alone. There are many reasons why you may do this: not to feel like you’re threatening others, to say it before someone else can, because your parents taught you to be “humble”, or the fear that feeling or saying good things about yourself makes you conceited. Another reason people limit themselves with lies is so they don’t have to take a risk. If I say I can’t cook, then I don’t have to try and fail, right? It spares me from finding out I am a bad cook, but it also robs me of the experience of trying and succeeding or perhaps trying and deciding I don’t enjoy cooking, which is totally different than saying I am incapable.

Step Two: Declaring the Limiting Belief a Lie
Once you realize what your rackets are, take time to journal about how these false beliefs came into being. Really think back to how the whole thing started. Did someone say or do something to you that caused you to feel fear or that you were somehow incapable? Remember how you felt at the time and write a comprehensive narrative about it. Connect the facts with the feelings. Then have one person you trust witness it for you. Read or tell them the story, then take it OUT OF YOUR EXPERIENCE.

Step Three: Re-Writing your Script
Here is the deal: It is your life. It is your story. If you don’t like the story line you are currently rocking, CHANGE IT! It is all on you to change your mind about whatever does not work for you. I had a friend who hated her legs, and when her then boyfriend (now husband) declared she had the best gams in town, she feared he was actually making fun of her. As it became apparent that he truly felt this way, she decided to go with it and see her legs as luscious instead of a liability. She has not regretted that decision and even wears short skirts now with a sassy attitude. I have no doubt she could have talked him out of it, but why would she want to do that? Beauty and truth are very subjective. Why not see things in a way that empowers you? It is just as easy or easier and yields much more positive results.

Note: This is different than being in denial. We always have a choice as to how we view a situation, and I am suggesting viewing your life in a way that empowers you and taking responsibility for your own happiness because you are the only one who can.

Step Four: Writing Affirmations to Support your New Script
An affirmation is something you declare to be true. So now your job is to write affirmations about what you are creating. For example: “I am so happy and grateful that I (insert affirmation here).” Since the universe can only say “yes”, be specific with the words you choose. Use only positive language in the present tense.
Fear gets kicked up when we change our minds about things. Remember fear is just a FEELING, not a FACT.

Take the time to make the mental space to draw into your life all of the experiences you truly want to be there.

Terri Cole, founder and CEO of Live Fearless and Free, is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. For almost two decades, Terri has empowered companies, celebrities, professional athletes, and individuals to Live Fearless and Free through television, radio, and other media appearances, speaking engagements, workshops, and a thriving private practice. Her blueprint for success combines harnessing the power of intention, practical psychology, and thought innovation to create sustainable change. Recently, Terri released her first CD “Meditation Transformation”. She is now in the process of writing her first solo book “Live Fearless and Free ~Transform Fear into Freedom in 6 Simple Steps for Sustainable Change” and co-hosting Live Your Truth Love Your Life, an online group coaching program, with yoga psychotherapist Ashley Turner.

Comments

  • Cecily

    This is so very relevant to me. Sometimes I would tell people that I cant do something or that I am “a shitty person” or something to that effect, when I know in my mind its not true, but that its the easiest way to tell someone that you made a mistake. But this doesn’t mean that in general I am a failure, just because I made one mistake. And the more we say it out loud, and in our minds as well.. we are just living that terrible feeling over and over again. Its time to stop. Thanks for this blog, I appreciate it.

    • terri cole

      Cecily-
      You are so welcome. I am so glad the content resonated with you. Yes my dear to make mistakes is to be human. When you shift your actions to admitting your mistake promptly, apologizing if appropriate, learning from it and moving on, you set yourself up for success. Keep up the good work!
      love love love
      terri

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