10.30.12 Love

5 Tips For Dealing With Your Partner Looking At Other Women

5 Tips For Dealing With Your Partner Looking At Other Women

BY Sarah Prout

Men look at other women and it’s perfectly normal. However, many women feel uncomfortable and start fuming (read: steam billowing out of their ears) when they see their lover eye-balling a younger woman wearing a tight dress or bust them looking at the most ridiculously-themed porn. Have you seen some of that stuff? It’s seriously hilarious and I know you know what I’m talking about.

Here are some practical tips for dealing with this situation:

1. See it for what it is.
I think that the base cause of the feelings of discomfort for women when their partners look at other ladies can be insecurity and it’s really a pointless waste of your precious energy. From personal experience I can honestly say there have been times that my blood wanted to boil when I caught my partner mentally undressing a random woman in a restaurant, supermarket or in the post office. But the biological essence of the situation is that it means nothing. Literally nothing. It’s a fleeting surge that happens within the mind of the man and doesn’t mean he’s going to spontaneously sweep the attractive stranger off her feet and run away with her.

2. Jealousy is not very pretty.
Some men are better than others when it comes to taking a sneaky peek at a hottie. I know if I was a man I’d be pretty good at it I think. I’m pretty good at it now when I check out a man I find attractive.

The key point to remember here is that it’s about feeling worthy within yourself and not letting jealously rattle your cage. By comparing yourself to the woman you bust your partner looking at can be really upsetting and damaging to your
self-esteem if you let it.

3. Transform your fear into trust.
Just remember that it’s not an opportunity to question the special nature of your relationship or question your own unique attractiveness. Fear always attracts more fear so make sure that you approach any issues that make you feel
awkward with a sense of calm when you feel it’s necessary to discuss this with your partner.

Essentially, it’s all about empowerment: feeling comfortable in your own skin so it shouldn’t bother you whatsoever if your man checks out other women.

4. Invite your partner to channel the sexual energy towards you.
I opened a discussion to my boyfriend recently about this tpic as he felt slightly uncomfortable expressing to me that he indeed feels attracted to other women. I told him that this falls into the category of his own private conversation with the Universe and I don’t need to know everything. I also told him that the way I intend to view the situation is that I’m the lucky lady that gets to have all of that energy channelled into me (if you catch my drift) in the privacy and sanctity of our relationship.

5. Allow yourself to shine.
I’ve spent way too much of my life not feeling worthy and choosing to get grumpy over stupid, insignificant stuff. But I’m choosing NOW to be the best time ever to celebrate my own sexiness, my own beauty and my own ability to intend that I feel secure in all situations that arise. The key is alignment and moving away from fear based sense of false competition to allow the essence of our glorious expression as women to shine!

Sarah Prout is a bestselling author, co-founder of the Adventures In Manifesting series, entrepreneur, publisher and mumma of 2 little darlings. She reaches over 55,000 followers in over 24 countries around the globe with heartfelt, vibrant and empowering advice about love, business and style. Visit: SarahProut.com.

Sarah Prout is a bestselling author, co-founder of the Adventures In Manifesting series, entrepreneur, publisher and mumma of 2 little darlings. She reaches over 55,000 followers in over 24 countries around the globe with heartfelt, vibrant and empowering advice about love, business and style. See more of Sarah's work on her website.


  • Lisa

    Looking for the date on this article, It has to be one of three things,it has to be from the 1950’s, from someone who has no self worth or written from a man disguised as a woman. Didn’t they used to say it was normal when man beat a woman too? Abuse is abuse no matter the package.

  • Veggie Fitness

    Hell. No.
    Sorry but this is NOT about being jealous or insecure.
    It’s about being EMBRASSED.
    As if the other woman he is looking at does not see YOU sitting right next to him?!
    There is NOTHING more creepy and disrespectful then being stared at by a man who has a wife/girlfriend/daughter with him.
    Men need to GROW UP and learn how to be present with the lady they are with and to treat her with RESPECT.
    There are MANY HOURS in the day when he is not with you, tell him to stare and fantasize then, when you are not around.
    I have NEVER and will NEVER put up with this and I will only date men who hold themselves to a higher standard then this rude, immature behavior.
    I dated a man for 9 years who I NEVER caught looking at other women.
    Do not believe for one second this is acceptable and that you should stand for it.
    REAL MEN do not disrespect their ladies and it does not make you ‘cool’ if you ACT like you are ok with this moronic behavior.

    • Tygalily

      I couldn’t agree more!

  • Taa Sii

    Bullshit..it’s wrong in every way!!! Guys keep your eyes to yourself!!!!!

  • Annie Fitzsimmons

    Men can’t help it!! It’s wired into there genes to look at beautiful women. I am a straight wonem and if i see an attractive woman i do look becuase I am human and we love to look at beautiful things.

    Next time your MAN looks at someone, *really look at her and say,* Yea she is pretty, and im sure she feels good about who SHE is! And feel good about who you are in that moment! Sometimes when it happens to me i just turn and walk away, get myself out of the siduation and myself some space till the moment ends. Its hard but you have to have alittle confidence in yourself that makes you the better person!

    • Raven Alchemy

      Actually, men are not hardwired genetically to look at other women. That is a myth based on a lame study done in the 1970s.

      Men are intelligent creatures. If they told themselves not to look, they wouldn’t. They could keep their eyes to themselves rather than being lazy and disrespectful. It just shows a lack of empathy.

  • Truth-teller

    I see a man who looks at attractive women as a lower-quality guy. Not all men stare/look at hot women. But some do. To me, it’s the sign of someone with a Neanderthal brain, who has no self-control or respect and can’t grow up. I understand men under 20 doing this. But when a man is 40+, it is no longer hormones. It is lacking female energy within them and purpose in life. To me what differentiates a GUY FROM A MAN is this very thing: Theodore Roosevelt IS a man. Snoop Dogg is a guy. I can’t imagine Mr.Roosevelt staring at every attractive woman who walks by. “Guys” who do this are immature, lack purpose in life or have not bothered to work on themselves to grow as a person. It is a matter of evolution. Maybe you will find this cocky but I am a rare breed as a woman and I believe that I deserve the best man this planet has to offer. That, unfortunately, does not include guys who look at hot chicks all the time like they have nothing better to do. I don’t want a man like that to father my daughter, who might then learn to dress scantily and try to get attention from other men (which she was deprived of by her own dad). I want my daughter to know that she deserves someone who has evolved from the Neanderthal brain and is not WEAK. Guys who stare at women when their partner is with them(or not) are weak, un-evolved and no good. They are more likely to cheat because they use women as an escape from their meaningless life. It’s an addiction. “It’s what guys do” doesn’t cut it. Sorry! We are far, far away from the times when all men was good for was their sperm and their hunting skills. I expect more from the man I am with because I am giving up on all the hot, exciting and powerful men I would/could sleep with. If my man stares, I will not keep him. I like men. Not “guys”. I like men with purpose, power and self-control. Neanderthals are not sexy or desirable. Period.

  • Julie

    I recommend reading “Why women have sex” by David Buss. We have sex for so many reasons other than men. We are more complicated. Go to a Jon Bon Jovi concert and you will see women screaming their lungs out for him. Most of them would sleep with him if they could.

    Most men are boring and unexciting- even if we love them. We like thinking about, looking at and fantasizing about hot men. Women don’t confess this because there’s this “slut” label that is ready to thrown at us by these very insecure men. If men weren’t threatened by women’s sexual power, why would they bother to demean a woman by labeling her “slut, whore, etc”? Why would they call us a whore if we have sex with more than one guy on the same day? We can. We can even get out of bed with one and have desire for another man very soon after. We don’t need to “recover” from ejaculation so we can run off to someone else-unlike a guy.

    I am a woman and I want variety, too! I look at attractive men. I like catching his gaze and dragging him like a puppy on a leash. Women have the power to sleep with multiple men in one day and DO remember the man they are attracted to. THAT is more dangerous than these Neanderthals forgetting about the woman they looked at. A woman may even fantasize about a man she liked during sex with her man. I certainly do. It has NOTHING to do with my not loving my man or not being satisfied with him in bed. I ALSO like variety. The way I get my variety is not just by staring but remembering and thinking about other men with whom I’ve made flirty eye contact. I have asked other female friends and they do remember those guys as well.

    Ladies, you are not powerless. If he is staring at chicks, you can fantasize about the guys who gave you that stare, too. You can keep him alive in your memory. In fact, I can remember every guy I have been attracted in my whole life to if I wanted to.

    Plus, we can get MOST men we want, whereas most men can only get very few women they find attractive- unless they are Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Mel Gibson or Mick Jagger. Who’s laughing now?

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