10.30.12 Love

5 Tips For Dealing With Your Partner Looking At Other Women

5 Tips For Dealing With Your Partner Looking At Other Women

BY Sarah Prout

Men look at other women and it’s perfectly normal. However, many women feel uncomfortable and start fuming (read: steam billowing out of their ears) when they see their lover eye-balling a younger woman wearing a tight dress or bust them looking at the most ridiculously-themed porn. Have you seen some of that stuff? It’s seriously hilarious and I know you know what I’m talking about.

Here are some practical tips for dealing with this situation:

1. See it for what it is.
I think that the base cause of the feelings of discomfort for women when their partners look at other ladies can be insecurity and it’s really a pointless waste of your precious energy. From personal experience I can honestly say there have been times that my blood wanted to boil when I caught my partner mentally undressing a random woman in a restaurant, supermarket or in the post office. But the biological essence of the situation is that it means nothing. Literally nothing. It’s a fleeting surge that happens within the mind of the man and doesn’t mean he’s going to spontaneously sweep the attractive stranger off her feet and run away with her.

2. Jealousy is not very pretty.
Some men are better than others when it comes to taking a sneaky peek at a hottie. I know if I was a man I’d be pretty good at it I think. I’m pretty good at it now when I check out a man I find attractive.

The key point to remember here is that it’s about feeling worthy within yourself and not letting jealously rattle your cage. By comparing yourself to the woman you bust your partner looking at can be really upsetting and damaging to your
self-esteem if you let it.

3. Transform your fear into trust.
Just remember that it’s not an opportunity to question the special nature of your relationship or question your own unique attractiveness. Fear always attracts more fear so make sure that you approach any issues that make you feel
awkward with a sense of calm when you feel it’s necessary to discuss this with your partner.

Essentially, it’s all about empowerment: feeling comfortable in your own skin so it shouldn’t bother you whatsoever if your man checks out other women.

4. Invite your partner to channel the sexual energy towards you.
I opened a discussion to my boyfriend recently about this tpic as he felt slightly uncomfortable expressing to me that he indeed feels attracted to other women. I told him that this falls into the category of his own private conversation with the Universe and I don’t need to know everything. I also told him that the way I intend to view the situation is that I’m the lucky lady that gets to have all of that energy channelled into me (if you catch my drift) in the privacy and sanctity of our relationship.

5. Allow yourself to shine.
I’ve spent way too much of my life not feeling worthy and choosing to get grumpy over stupid, insignificant stuff. But I’m choosing NOW to be the best time ever to celebrate my own sexiness, my own beauty and my own ability to intend that I feel secure in all situations that arise. The key is alignment and moving away from fear based sense of false competition to allow the essence of our glorious expression as women to shine!

Sarah Prout is a bestselling author, co-founder of the Adventures In Manifesting series, entrepreneur, publisher and mumma of 2 little darlings. She reaches over 55,000 followers in over 24 countries around the globe with heartfelt, vibrant and empowering advice about love, business and style. Visit: SarahProut.com.

Sarah Prout is a bestselling author, co-founder of the Adventures In Manifesting series, entrepreneur, publisher and mumma of 2 little darlings. She reaches over 55,000 followers in over 24 countries around the globe with heartfelt, vibrant and empowering advice about love, business and style. See more of Sarah's work on her website.

Comments

  • sandy

    When Imet my current boyfriend the first night he put a porno on before we even had sex! After four days he was talking to his friend about how wicked another woman’s body was! Then every weekend he wanted to watch porn hours on end and rewinding it to his favorite parts over and over as If I wasn’t even there. At first I really didn’t care about him so I didn’t say anything but finally spoke my mind and he said he was unaware I felt that way and he felt bad. He threw away his burnt porn. I found his stack and tore them up for lien. One night I went to a concert came back and he was looking up naked girls on his phone ouch. All he ever talked about was bellydancers. And how he ate sushi off a woman’s pussy or saw a guy getting head in his car..one night I was giving him a massage and he started talking about how sexy and hot and perfect his brothers wife was. And he kept repeating so sexy so hot. Which showed he thought I was not that of perfect. And he’s not even close to hot. I would leave for a weekend and come home to find a porno in the DVD player long into our relationship. If a woman was slurry on TVs he would make a mmmmm sound deep in his groin right by me and even said just because I think about orgies doesn’t mean it’s a sin unless I do it wtf. And said he wanted to dip his dick into different flavors of ice cream metaphor for cultured women…he had after 7-8 months of our going out a picture of his ex sitting on his floor with her ass hanging out…I was pregnant by him at this time..he says they were togetherseven yyears like it’s reasonable..six months pregnant and he had a condom in his wallet… I swear to God he cheated on me and now I am so emotionally damaged my self esteem is crushed mad I’m twenty I’m so damn confused or was..sis t realize he wasn’t over his ex…he thinks I should let it go and forgive him but I can’t..I want my soul mate and was blind when I met him…ah Jesus…why did I stick around…was it the cooking the roof over my head what was I thinking..I’m so depressed..and I look ten times better then him…literally I’m pretty and smart and he’s short with a belly and you know not that hot at all..but now I’m crushed with no Tristan’s we have a child together…

    • Jamie Sue

      One good thing came out of the relationship, your child! So you can be thankful for such a blessing and find someone with allot more respect for you. No girl will put up with him and in the end you’ll probably end up the happy one with someone else.

  • owleyes

    My God this is one of the most demeaning and damaging articles for any girl or woman to read. Really sarahprout, I hope you never give this same “advice” to your two little darlings when they are teenagers.

    As a mature aged, divorced woman, I have now been in a relationship for six months after 3 years of dating, most of them looking for sex and not much more. I finally thought I had found “the man” until we went out to a hardware shop and he craned his neck backwards, a la Exorcist style, not once but twice to look up and down at a another mature aged woman. After I caught him looking her body up and down, I turned to look at the woman. “Hello Victoria, I said”. I work with her. I told my boyfriend this and he seemed a little mortified. I see this woman every working day and I’m constantly reminded of that incident which he said “meant nothing” and ” I can’t even remember what her face/she looked like?” Really, why injure your neck muscles then?

    It doesn’t end there. After declaring he would “reform”, a few weeks later I was in a supermarket and this time he craned his neck back at a girl young enough to be his daughter or granddaughter and she was with her boyfriend. Minutes later, I saw him moving his eyes move up and down repeatedly at a different woman in front of him. Once again I pulled him up on this. He said he loves me and he doesn’t want to hurt, so why do it?

    The behaviour has continued and once again I have told him what he is doing and how disrespectful it is. He is unaware, apparently, of what he is doing. Like other woman here, it has got to the point where I don’t want to go out anywhere in public with him as I know he will give his bedroom eyed look or be restraining himself from doing it. I told him he is better off single. It has cast doubt in my mind and moreover this behaviour has seriously damaged what potentially could be soul mates living the rest of their lives out together. All because as a fifty-something he cannot control his bad habit, as he calls it. He has lost my respect and trust for him. He wanted my attention, sadly now he is losing it.

    If nothing else sarahprout, you have stirred up woman to give some sensible advice, something that is lacking in your journalistic style.

    • sarahprout

      Hello Owleyes, thanks so much for your feedback about my article. What I will say is that there is a HUGE difference between ‘leering’ and glancing in the general direction of someone attractive. It’s completely about the energy behind it. A glance is a glance unless there is sexual energy behind it. And I completely have compassion for what you’re going through. However, we can only change ourselves and it’s a waste of our precious time on this earth to think we can control others or allow our disappointments in life to turn us into bitter individuals. Life is so short and it’s so important to look for things to appreciate rather than allowing bitterness or expectations of others to cloud the fabulous time we could be having. Best of luck to you! xo

    • Cougar Age

      Yes life is short. Too short to spend it with a jerk that doesn’t respect you. Nobody is complaining about GLANCES. NOBODY. It’s the ogling, leering, STARING when with your significant other that is BEYOND disrespectful. And NO women don’t HAVE to take it, nor should you be advising them to.

      Of course you can only ask a man to respect you if you respect yourself!

  • Cristina

    ugh… I wish he would just stop. I have never been a man, so I guess I don’t know how hard it is for them to notice, but not stare. I notice, men and women, but I consciously look away to avoid causing him to feel like I do when he looks. I don’t mean this in any sort of conceited manner, but as far as looks, I’m much more attractive than him. He’s missing teeth, he’s going bald and he’s lanky with a pot belly, but I’m absolutely in love with him. I turn heads with an exotic Latina look and a voluptuous figure, but I’m not blonde. That’s his thing. He stares at blondes. I can’t stand it, but I guess it’s just never going to stop. He does treat me well. I can’t complain about that, but the staring really gets to me.

    • Jamie Sue

      Brunettes are being more noticed now in modern day, he is probably just stuck in the old blonde trend of the past. Voluptuous Latina’s would be a preference for me if I were gay! I appreciate attractive Hispanic women and admire them! My boyfriend is actually mexican so I guess am drawn to darker features, like skin hair and eyes. I have found myself very attracted to those that generally aren’t my type though or I should say preference. Unlike your man I generally dislike blondes but there have been some blonde males I thought were drop dead sexy (like Eric from trueblood) so just because he finds the blonde at the store attractive doesn’t mean he is more attracted to them. Maybe the blonde hair just draws his attention because he just likes her hair. I’ve stared at plenty because I simply liked their hair, or something they were wearing. Not so much because I thought they were attractive.So you never know, blonde hair is bright. I’m sure he prefers your Latina curves over blonde hair anyway.

  • Jamie Sue

    I like this article very much but I personally believe it depends on the situation. My boyfriend luckily doesn’t look at other women in front of me but I am sure he still does it when I am not around. My only concern is that he lies about watching porn or looking at other girls naked photos. HE WON’T TELL ME THE TRUTH EVEN THOUGH I WAVE THE EVIDENCE IN HIS FACE! I am so afraid of what else he is lying about… it’s not even really about my insecurities, it’s just feeling like I can’t believe a word he says. I just pray to god he isn’t walking around trying to pursue other women. I mean I don’t THINK so but like I said I kind of can’t believe allot of what he says. He just fails to admit that he finds other women attractive… I think that is the most frustrating part. Thing that bothers me the most is porn or provocative photos . I just get FURIOUS when I find out he is watching or looking at these things, simply for the fact that my boyfriend barely likes me leaving the house without shorts under my dress or skirt (I do it anyway though)… I know that doesn’t make sense but here is my reasoning. I just find it completely hypocritical and almost disrespectful! Like so it’s okay if you look at all these other girls naked, watching videos of girls masturbating and having sex, searching up photos of woman’s boobs but if a guy catches a glimpse of my underwear it’s the worst thing in the world? Like Imagine me as his girlfriend posting the same photos and videos for the world to see… He wouldn’t think that it was hot he would be disgusted and pissed knowing 15 other guys could be masturbating to my photos… In my eyes it’s so hypocritical! I just find it a bit disrespectful toward me as well when you have to go out of your way to search up porn and nudes… It just is so aggravating! For example, here is a little story for you, a friend of mine several months ago on her birthday, as I was walking up to a club, was outside of the club in TEARS crying her eyes out Why you might ask? Because of what she was wearing. She was wearing an adorable one piece that HER BOYFRIEND bought her (with a nice pair of tight skinnies) that was sheer down the middle of it relieving quite a bit of cleavage (and she looked hot I might add) and some guys walking down the street were like “DAMN!!!” checking her out and acknowledging her attractiveness . She did not provoke this, she was simply enjoying her night but her boyfriend then became angry WITH HER and began to call her a slut and bashing her attire. She was so upset, and why shouldn’t she be? She did nothing wrong, she was just attractive and a couple of strangers noticed! (and I know they were not the only ones) and he made her feel guilty because of it! Some guys would think that his actions were justified. Probably saying “Well maybe if she didn’t dress like a slut…” Or “She could of wore something different or less relieving”. Thing is that wasn’t even the worst part. My friend months later came to find out that her boyfriend was swapping nudes with other women!!!!!!! asking and receiving nudes from other girls and who knows what else! These women, I might add, were clearly not nearly as attractive as my friend! (so don’t feel insecure ladies, you could be the hottest woman on this planet and it still wouldn’t change a thing) Like why when you have a more attractive woman right next to you that you can actually sleep with?!?! This ended the relationship of course but does everyone see my point? I find this beyond fucked up! The hypocrisy in this kind of situation just makes me rage. In my personal opinion if you have a girlfriend don’t acknowledge woman in revealing clothing, searching up nudes, and watching porn if it would bother you seeing her walking around in the same attire out in public, or self submitting photos of herself naked for the world to see… it just seems so wrong. I simply told my boyfriend the next time I find out he is looking at naked pictures of other woman I wouldn’t get mad, oh no, I would just upload a photo of myself for the world to see. Which is completely out of my character, but I feel a point must be proven here. I don’t expect him to be doing it again though, not anytime soon anyway. 🙂 So many of you might disagree but this is just by views on the topic… I agree with this article that you shouldn’t let this make you feel insecure, this is great for you ladies out there! I simply am posting this response toward most of you males out there… Show your lady some respect and don’t do anything in regards to other woman that you wouldn’t want other men to do in regards to your girlfriend… It’s just such a double standard in my eyes! Men logic. -.-

    • Katie Smith

      I agree with you this is exactly how i feel. Who’s do you deal with it? What are you going to do? I feel like most women I know don’t have this problem, that’s why I had to find this website for help and advice so I don’t think it’s normal and that common that I’m overreacting.

  • mauren

    I want to specially thank Dr Wisdom of drwisdomspelltemple@gmail.com for casting a love spell that brought back my ex husband in three days i really do not know what i would have done if not for you Dr Wisdom,i want to inform you that your spell did not only brought back my ex but has also brought happiness to our lives.thank you very much for your kindness.contact a address drwisdomspelltemple@gmail.com

  • DarlingHD

    I am a young lady with a lot of self respect. Recently, a few months into my engagement, I see my fiance occasionally checking other women out and or making eye contact with them while I am present, sometimes standing right next to him. He has never done anything like this in the past, and it really makes me feel incredibly disrespected. When confronted about it, he first apologizes. If I continue to be cold to him after this happens, then he gets defensive instead and says I’m over reacting or imagining things. Its such a huge blow to my self esteem. Sure, I look at other men. That is natural. I know it is natural and normal for men to look at other women. But when I am with my fiance, I wouldn’t. He is my man, I respect him and I expect him to respect me the same way. I know when I am out and about, if a man who it obviously out with another woman checks me out, it makes me sick. I’ll scowl at him! We are the gems of this earth and we should all be treated that way. To think another woman is either flirting with my future husband from across the room, or thinking hes a huge skeeze and feeling sorry for me? That is not something I can accept. Don’t know how to move forward from these feelings, or how to handle the situation.

    • Katie Smith

      See my post above he same thing is happening to me and I am not dealing with it either.

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