11.09.12 Love

Marriage: In General And In Gay

Marriage: In General And In Gay

BY Jill Kushner

I suck at relationships. Which, I think, is something that many of us single women say. Likely, when we find ourselves in the right relationship, we’ll see that we suck a little bit less at them than we’d previously thought. In the meantime, it’s easier to attempt to come off like a bad ass who doesn’t care about being single, by grabbing a bull horn (from a college team mascot or a leader of a very large march, otherwise, I don’t know where you get one) and announce, “I suck at relationships!”

We’ve established that there’s no future Mrs. Jill Kushner, at this very moment. However, if and when I meet her, getting married should only be up to me. Well, and her. Fine, and maybe my sister. But, that’s it. It should certainly not be up to my government. Believe me, I don’t want a say in their marriages, either. I just want a say in my marriage. Because it’s really so simple. It’s really all the same.

My home state, Maryland, along with Washington and Maine have just legalized same-sex marriage. Minnesota voters rejected a proposed amendment to ban gay marriage. There are now a total of 8 states where gay marriage is legal. This year’s newbies join: Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, New Hampshire and New York. This is huge. And exciting. And groundbreaking. And, a little sad. Because it’s really so simple. It’s really all the same.

When you are in love and marry someone, it comes with stuff beyond glassware and very chatty in-laws. When you are in love and marry someone, it comes with rights, protections and benefits. And hopefully, a DVR. Because no two people can like all of the same shows. I don’t care how perfect you are for each other.

When two people are in love and decide to take the next step, marriage, not only do they want to shout it from the treetops (I’ll want to shout it from the bases of the trees, because I’m not big on heights) they also enter into a contract with each other. And, it’s pretty sacred. Marriage is a big deal. It’s the biggest commitment two people in love can make to each other. And if you love someone enough to marry them, you better damn well be able to walk into a hospital, that they god forbid may end up in, and visit them.

Come on, people. We are fast approaching 2013. This is no time to act like cave men and mess with civil rights. Here are just a few of the things going on right now: Someone has invented Augmented Reality Contact Lenses (Randy Sprague) which means people will have the ability to look at something and then access further information about it because data can be superimposed in your field of vision. The first commercial space tourism flight is approaching (next year on Virgin Galactic).

Of course, my long time crush, Richard Branson is behind this. And, for god’s sake, we can make our own fro-yo on like every block. Like I said, we are fast-approaching 2013. This is no time to act like cave men and mess with civil rights. We are moving forward.

If you love someone enough to marry them, and they love you enough to marry you and you both want to get married… you get to get married. This shouldn’t involve thinking about what state you have to fly to do it, either. Because it’s really so simple. It’s really all the same.

Jill Kushner is an Emmy Award winning writer. When she's not writing and producing TV, Jill writes and produces videos which is where she makes the really big bucks. Hold for laughter. Jill is a stand up comedian and writes a weekly column for HelloGiggles. Except when she can't think of anything to write about. You can follow her on Twitter @TheJillKushner.


  • I completely agree with all of the points your raise, Jill. When you finally find love and find the one person you want to spend the rest of your life and you both want to take that next step forward, you should not have to take out a map. You should not have find which states you can actually get legally married and logistics of if your marriage will even be recognized if you do not live in any of these 8 states. I do not understand WHY this is such a difficult concept for people to grasp.. It is really simple, as you say repeatedly. It’s just like marriage between a man and woman, just swap out either the man and woman and replace it with another man or woman, depending on which way you swing. See, is that so difficult to understand? We are NOT asking for special treatment. What we ARE asking for is the same thing heterosexual couple gets when they decide to enter into the sanctity of marriage. We are begging and pleading for equality. This is the civil rights movement of our generation. You can either get on board this train or get left behind at the station. With the re-election of President Obama, I have a inkling that many more trains will be leaving the station. Do you really want to be the one left standing at the curb?

    • Jill Kushner

      Well said, Jenny! Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment!

  • Kelly

    Someone on Facebook wrote ‘there was a time that black and white people couldn’t get married, do you really want to be on the wrong side of history’ in reference to his SUPPORT of gay marriage. I find the argument ridiculous, there is absolutely no good reason why gay people shouldn’t be allowed to marry. It shouldn’t even be called ‘gay marriage’ or ‘same-sex marriage’ just simply marriage. Decades from now I’m sure most people will share the same sentiments.

  • Lizzie D

    Totally agree Jill, I enjoyed your article very much and it motivated me to respond. I have a solution that I have thought of often, and would like to share here. I believe the responsibility of change lies in the youth of our country. I have a 21yr old son, and I am a single parent by choice. I felt a different kind of discrimination, sometimes blatant and sometimes just under the radar. Kind of like, “I didn’t know You were married?” Me: “I’m not”… Them:”oh”…. In my mind I would think, WTH does “oh” Mean? hmm? Well that being said, it takes a village to raise a child, and that I did. My village was Gay and Straight. My son got the awesomeness of both worlds. It was one of love, respect, affection,discussion, and acceptance of differences. When I say differences, I don’t mean Gay or Straight, I mean differences of Culture, Art, Politics. Thats my point, We are NOT different,we are very much the same. We have to raise the future people who vote, with people who care about our rights., My son happens to believe the government does not have the right to “dictate” marriage of any kind, in fact he thinks it is bizzare! The disrespect of civil rights has gone on long enough, right?. This is the decision of “cave men” to be sure. Lets change it everyone, by being leaders, and teaching our future Politicians’ to stay out of our relationships among many other things!

    So, my solution is to engage our children, nephews, neices, our friends kids, and any other future voter in America, in a Loving Accepting Village that I am so absolutely grateful to be surrounded by, right here in America! My Best Friends are getting married next year here in Massachusetts. My Son and I are so happy to be a part of a Gay Happy Marriage Celebration, but wish the rest of the country could witness this love that we will. My Best Wishes of Change and Happiness to You Jill! A Change is Coming…. Lizzie D

    • Jill Kushner

      Lizzie, I agree! I love talking to kids and hearing their point of view on things (in general!). And ironically, I feel like it takes way more work for adults to “teach” things like discrimination. So, engaging kids to come from a place that begins with acceptance, is a great place to start for sure! Thanks for writing, Lizzy!

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