07.25.13 Love

The Problem with Soul Mates

The Problem with Soul Mates

BY Alice Grist

Soul mate, what a lovely term, what an amazing concept! Don’t we ladies all just want the perfect soul mate to sweep us of our feet, understand our every need and to be that ultra perfect fit?

The thing with soul mates, spiritually speaking, is that they don’t really exist. Well they do, but not in the fairy tale, prince charming manner to which we have become accustomed. Now before you bury your head in the sand let me assure you I am not setting out to vandalise your personal vision of “happy ever after.” although I may be about to inject some ‘spiritual reality’ that you may not like. Brace yourself.

On my personal spiritual journey I have been intrigued by the concept of soul mates. I know we all want one and secretly a lot of us believe we have one, often we just feel we haven’t met them yet. So to save you a lot of air miles and reduce your carbon footprint searching the globe for Mr or Mrs Right I can let you know you probably have met many a soulmate already. The problem with soul mates is, well the problem is that soul mates are human.

Let’s debunk the soul mate myth. Firstly it is likely you have more than one soul mate. The work of Michael Newton, which is truly fascinating hypnotic-regression style research suggests that when we depart this place called earth we return to the most amazing place. That place Newton refers to as the “life between lives.”

Once there we understand that life on earth is like a schoolyard, and that we live our human lives to learn. In this life between human lives we also meet up with our own special gang. This is our “soul group.” In this soul group you will be reunited with a group of people who are essentially your soul’s mates. You may recognize them as friends, partners, husbands, wives, relatives or even just acquaintances from your time on earth.

According to Newton these wonderful soul mate folk accompany us to earth so that we can all effect one another’s lives in order for us all to grow. To grow we have to step out of the “easy life” and wallow in a life filled with stress, sadness, hardship and worry– or human life as we know it. Of course this morbidity is mixed with a great dose of happiness that makes it all bearable and helps to keep us all from unraveling under the strain of hungry bellies and broken hearts!

Soul mates are extremely good friends of ours who are with us for the ride. Occasionally they may trip you up, challenge you or just downright get on your nerves. But that does not mean they are not your soul mate. The fact is that as much as they may annoy you, you are likely doing the same thing right back to them, without even knowing it!

Now it may sound like I’m being rather cynical to the whole concept. And I guess that is true, but I have found a soul mate and I have married him, whilst some days he is the light of my life, on occasion he is also the bane of it. Whilst I adore him to the ends of the earth, on occasion I swear I could bury him in it. And whilst there is no other man on the planet who can measure up, on occasion Keanu Reeves looks tempting.

The thing about soul mates is that I believe they are in our lives to challenge us. Life is not, in my opinion supposed to be easy. We are supposed to face hardships and difficulties and even deep loneliness that could be the result of a soul mate leaving us, hurting us or abandoning us. Unfortunately for us one of the quickest ways to learn and grow is by overcoming difficulties, sadly the lesson may come filed under the name of “husband,” “boyfriend” and “lover.” If life is a playground for our soul’s learning then we are going to leave this planet scarred. Love and relationships are a trip into ecstasy and dizzy spiritual heights, and yet they can teach us so much when that bubble bursts and we are shot back down by our own human behavior.

That ladies, is the problem with soul mates, it’s not black and white, they are not perfect, we are not perfect. Moments can be perfect, gestures can be perfect, intentions can be perfect, but humans, I am sad to say are far from it. When I committed to my spiritual studying I began to realize that the mould I had in my head of a perfect “lover” was so unrealistic and so unfair to my partner that I let it go and decided to love him for precisely what he is, not resent him for what he is not. Guess what, we are both happier for it.

So how can we cope with this new and devastating news that perhaps a perfect soul is not laying in wait to whisk us off our feet and show us Mexico, the Bahamas and the depths of our soul? Well for a start we can love ourselves a little more. We can look to our own selves for affirmations, respect, interest and love. We can get to know ourselves, so that when a good match comes along we are ready for them. If we already have a good match then we can learn to love them despite their flaws, and hope that they pay us the same courtesy.

The problem with soul mates is that it was never meant to be easy, but boy if you put in that hard work, then and only then can you find your personal glimmer of bliss. That is the other thing with soul mates, when you love them despite their human flaws, and they love you right back, despite yours, now that is truly heaven on earth.

Alice Grist is author of The High Heeled Guide to Enlightenment and award winning The High Heeled Guide to Spiritual Living. Alice's third book due out early 2013 is; Dear Poppyseed, A Soulful Momma’s Journal. Alice is imprint publisher of Soul Rocks Books that publishes soulful and spiritual books for a new modern generation. Alice regularly contributes her soulful writings to a number of publications and online sites including Huffington Post. For more info go to www.alicegrist.co.uk.


Every week in your inbox!

  • Exclusive notes and videos from Amanda de Cadenet.
  • Early access to our Limited Space Workshops.
  • Amanda’s Favorites and Special Offers shared with you weekly.
  • Exclusive notes and videos from Amanda de Cadenet.
  • Early access to our Limited Space Workshops.
  • Amanda’s Favorites and Special Offers shared with you weekly.
Subscribe Now

to receive our newsletter every Tuesday.

Sign up here for my Weekly Newsletter and Exclusive Updates: