The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet

Can Porn Ever Be a Healthy Part of a Relationship?

Because of my firmly-rooted spiritual beliefs (I am a Christian), my obvious answer to this question is no, in my opinion, it cannot. But allow me to expound upon that a little. As I wrote in a recent blog post “I Love Jesus, and I love Scandal” (as in, the TV show):

“I am an avid, lifelong film and TV and theater geek who has a deep passion for the arts and I recognize that art isn’t always G-rated. Some of the best art is dirty and gritty and messy…and I am able to separate art from life and not allow viewing something on the big screen or attending a concert or admiring a painting to cause me to sacrifice my morality.”

So does being a Christian mean I’m a prude who views anything remotely sensual or sexy as “off-limits”? No. Not at all. I’m a supporter of healthy sexual expression between a woman and a man. It just so happens that I am planning to save that healthy sexual expression for the bounds of marriage (but it’s not my place to judge you if that’s not your stance). And healthy sexual expression just doesn’t leave room for inviting anyone else into my bed with my husband and I, which I believe is essentially what pornography does. It seems to denote a lack of satisfaction with your partner, as though what they have to offer doesn’t quite measure up (pun not intended). Beyond that, I believe pornography is just simply damaging to the mind, body, and soul. A study by NPR found that frequent exposure to porn leads to an increase in sex addiction, extramarital affairs (Internet users who had had an extramarital affair were 3.18 times more likely to have used online porn than Internet users who had not had an affair), and ultimately, divorce. I think any time you open up the door of your marriage to a third party, even if it is a seemingly “harmless,” one-dimensional “fantasy” on the TV screen, you risk losing yourself and/or your partner in the process (along with little pieces of your soul).

I also believe pornography cheapens the beauty and sanctity of lovemaking, like trying to substitute a cubic zirconia for the Hope diamond. The most intimate sexual acts are carried out in robotic, meaningless, lewd ways by the body with the heart unattached to the act all together. It is my hope that when I do someday make love to my husband, it will be led by the heart and will involve every part of me. It won’t be merely a means to an end…but the symbolic expression of my love, passion, and desire for him. (And I can’t wait for that day, by the way. So why would I ever let some pornographic film with a terrible plotline and even worse acting steal my thunder?)

Mandy Hale is affectionately known around the world as "The Single Woman™.” In just over two years, Mandy has garnered a massive Twitter following of nearly half a million people from across the globe. In her home state of Tennessee, only Al Gore and Dolly Parton have more followers! With a heart to inspire single women to live their best lives and to never, ever settle, Mandy cuts to the heart of the matter with her inspirational, straight-talking, witty, and often wildly humorous take on life and love. She’s also not afraid to talk about the many realities of being single in a world that still asks, “And WHY are you still single?” Less of a life coach and more of a big sister, best friend, or mentor to women as they walk the single girl walk, Mandy is the voice of every woman experiencing the incredible, beautiful, magic, tragic highs and the many challenges of single life. While she doesn’t have all the answers…she’s brave enough to ask the questions. Whatever life and love throws at her, she maintains her fierce belief in happy endings; and every column, Dash of Sass, or 140 character encouragement she sends comes straight from an honest, real, authentic place. Connect with Mandy online at TheSingleWoman.com, Facebook or on Twitter @TheSingleWoman.