05.14.13 Style

Personal Expression: Are We Too Quick To Judge?

Personal Expression: Are We Too Quick To Judge?

BY The Conversation Team

If you saw our latest episode with Ashley Madekwe, you know that this week’s conversation is all about expressing yourself through fashion. In her interview, Ashley speaks of the style shaming she has sometimes experienced. “If an attractive woman wears a pair of heels in the day time she can be frowned upon by other women,” she says, “like it’s not appropriate to dress like that all the time.”

The freedom to dress as one wishes is a virtue designer Sophie Theallet mentions in her interview with Soraya Dayani. She admires women who have an air of nonchalance and who are free, “to be able to express sensuality in other ways other than what they wear. To also know their bodies and to be clever with it, that’s freedom.”

Do you ever feel judged by other women when expressing your personal style? Do you think we, as women, judge each other too harshly?

Share you answers with us in the comments section below. 

The Editorial Team - The Conversation’s mission is to explore, nurture and empower the modern woman, through interviews and topics ranging from: health and wellness, beauty, style, fitness, diet, parenting, sex, love, truth and wisdom, career and finance. We are here to share and support the universal language of women. Join The Conversation, find us on Facebook and Twitter @TheConversation.


  • Janelle Malone

    Here is my story on when my mother died and the effect it had on my skin. This life event changed me, my spark here is my story on learning to re-love life and more importantly the skin I’m in http://bit.ly/15JCOvC

  • KAA

    I think as women, we have all been too quick to judge others by their appearance – for me it didn’t have anything to do with their style but what competition they might be to me….
    Just last night as I was having a heart to heart with my 9 yr old son, who has ADD and as a result suffers from very low self esteem, I told him that a lot of people in the world don’t like themselves or things about themselves – most people want to change who they are or be like someone else. The difference was that he can say it out loud but most of us never do, especially the middle school children of his age who are desperately trying to fit in and be part of the crowd! I told him that I felt the same as him at his age but with age comes acceptance. He asked me how that happens. I told him the older you get you realise that it’s OK to be you and if other people don’t like that, that is OK too. I told him that as you get older if there are things about yourself that you don’t like you can work on changing them if you want to. He asked me what I had changed about myself – I answered honestly – my jealousy!
    The younger me was an incredibly jealous creature, friendly, but jealous. I feared that anyone more attractive than me, funnier than me, better dressed than me, might knock me off my current ranking in the pecking order of lady-ness and worse still might just come and steal my boyfriend away from me – because why wouldn’t he want the best? As illogical and ridiculous as that all sounds now to the 40 year old me, I spent many times with a sick anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach if my boyfriend appeared to be having a bit too much fun with another female or if he paid them any sort of compliment. This was not something he ever suffered from when I would socialise with other men, even without him.
    It took me sometime to realise this was MY problem and that my boyfriend had never given me any reason to be jealous or cause to not trust him. I was creating these bad feelings within me and I had to let them go before they took over who I was.
    The silly thing was, it was a simple as that. Instead of eyeing others with suspicion and hoping that they would fall flat on their faces, I spoke my mind. Did I think those shoes were lovely – TELL HER! Did I think that lipstick she was wearing was pretty – TELL HER! Did I think that perfume was gorgeous – TELL HER! Of course as soon as you pay someone a compliment, and really is there any better compliment in the world from one woman to another, is that they drop any guard of theirs, you put them at ease, you make them feel good, they smile, they blush, you make them happy. To me making other people feel happy makes me feel happy and before you know it you can turn any negative into a positive – but you have to make the effort.
    I am sure that others judge me by my personal appearance – I overdress on a daily basis!! There are several reasons for this, one as a mother I don’t really go out socially anymore but I still love clothes and shoes as much as the next person so if I don’t wear the things I own and buy on a daily basis, they will become moth food! Another reason is that I look like I have made more of an effort than I probably really have is that I usually wear dresses – I am an hourglass shape and therefore chose fitted shapes (otherwise my big old hips and thighs hid my waist) – but to me a dress is an easy option for the morning school run – one piece of clothing, nothing else to match with it – dressed and ready to dash out to the car with minutes to spare because I am the last one to get dressed after making sure everyone else is sorted out! The final reason is sometimes that item of clothing I have chosen today might just be the last clean thing in my wardrobe – if it’s the school holidays then my washing and ironing system usually falls apart and I swear one day I will end up in the supermarket with my ball gown on!
    Clothes may well be the first thing I see on another woman – do I like it, do they suit it – what were they thinking??? But I do know that I surround myself with woman who all dress and look very different, they act and share different opinions to me but the thing we have in common is that I know that we will always be here for each other whenever we need each other – to share a hug, a laugh, a cry or sometimes even a kick up the backside when you need it.
    So ladies, don’t be afraid to be who you are – those that matter and those that have come to terms and have accepted who THEY are might still be eyeing you up and down but they might just be too afraid to tell you how great you look in your killer heels or how they would like to know where you got those comfy flats from!

  • Jean

    I love the quote “Judging a person does not define who they are…it defines who are you.” Think about why you are judging that person and what it means about you. When you feel that strongly about what someone else is doing, it’s a good opportunity to look deeper and ask what’s going on with yourself.

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