11.15.13 Truth & Wisdom
You Are Not Alone
BY Jessica Tholmer
Dearest Jessica,
Your future self needs to talk to you. (That’s me.) Don’t worry, you can trust me. I am you. I know this is weird, but you like weird.
14 is a strange age—for everyone. You are not alone. I am going to give you a few pieces of advice right now, but if you only take one thing from this letter, I need it to be that. You are not alone. Remember that, because your life seems hard right now, but in four years, you will yearn for your youth. Relish in it. Enjoy being 14. Relocating is hard, you are right about that, but do not be mad at your mother for much longer. It is not her fault that you switched high schools and had to make new friends. She has only ever wanted a perfect life for you. She is trying her hardest. Mothers are always trying their hardest.
Spend every waking moment with your brothers, because when you do not live with them anymore, you will miss them every day. Build your close familial relationships now. They will benefit you so much in your future. I know you will not believe this, but sibling relationships as adults are even better than sibling relationships when you are children. Your older brother is the only person you will call for advice. I know, I know. It seems unbelievable right now, but I promise it is true.
Forgive your father. If you do it now, you will have fewer relationship issues in your dating life.
Speaking of dating, you are about to fall head over heels in love, so enjoy being a kid right now. When you meet him in two years, you will never be the same. Try not to pour your heart out to every man you meet after he breaks it. Try not to focus on your intense distrust of every man you meet either, though. Balance is hard, but vital.
Do not give it up that easy, kiddo. Wait it out. You will be happy to make love when it is time. Sex is overrated, but making love is as beautiful as you have always heard.
Demand respect—not just from men, but from everyone. One day, heads will turn when you walk into a room. It is okay to be chunky and disinterested in doing your hair and makeup right now. All of that nonsense can wait until you are older.
That confidence you have? It will never go away. People will try to steal it from you, but always stand your ground. You know how wonderful you are—how strong, and smart, and funny you are—try not to forget it.
Never turn your television off. It will build you a career one day.
Maintain those relationships with your middle school friends. Moving away from them was hard, but college will be so much easier with your best friend literally by your side the whole time, and nothing beats standing next to your friend at her wedding. When you are sad, even years later, looking at those wedding pictures will be the greatest gift.
Some other things: Run a mile, and then five, and then ten. Tell everyone you love that you love them; they will not be there forever. It is okay to still love Justin Timberlake because he will be a big deal one day. Do not drink alcohol until you are legal to drink alcohol. It is only kind of what it is cracked up to be.
Stand up for what you believe in: socially, politically, emotionally. You are right. It is okay to have a loud voice, even though you are a little girl. Especially because you are a little girl. Do not let yourself be silenced by anyone.
And always be yourself. You are all you got.
Xoxoxoxoxo
Old Jess
(Oh yeah, we go by “Jess” now)
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