06.25.13 Truth & Wisdom



BY The Conversation Team

Is there one thing you’ve always dreamed of doing or a goal you’ve been wanting to accomplish? What do you think is the first step to reaching that goal or dream? Let us know by leaving a comment below!

The Editorial Team - The Conversation’s mission is to explore, nurture and empower the modern woman, through interviews and topics ranging from: health and wellness, beauty, style, fitness, diet, parenting, sex, love, truth and wisdom, career and finance. We are here to share and support the universal language of women. Join The Conversation, find us on Facebook and Twitter @TheConversation.


  • Barney24

    I just want to graduate from college but I need an internship to walk in december…I’ve been applying but no luck thus far….

  • Nicola Alexander

    The first step to attaining your dream is knowing who you are, believing in yourself and trusting your instincts. Then, find experienced and relevant coaches and allies, who have your best interest at heart, to help you on your journey. This triple bottom-line approach has helped me in my quest of becoming a Diplomat. Here’s to us Big Dreamers!

    • KathyHertzcoaching

      I totally agree with you Nicola, but I think that at times the coach you describe is part of the journey of developing the belief and trust in yourself and needs to come first. So thrilled to hear you are on the road to making your dreams reality! And yes, here’s to all the big dreamers! I wrote about my own journey below if you are interested.

  • KathyHertzcoaching

    For years, I fantasized about my life. About doing something to help others, about wanting to make a difference in the world. I dreamed (for more hours than I care to admit) about what this might be, but all the fantasizing and dreaming never quite turned into action. I stayed stuck – dreaming and fantasizing. I lived with a pervasive nagging that there had to be something “more” for me. But again, this nagging never propelled me to action. I was an expert at looking at others and seeing all their wonderful qualities but not honoring my own. I was a pro at pointing out all my own imperfections.

    I was stuck. Stuck in an unhappy marriage, unable to make empowering decisions, triggered constantly by people and situations, giving my power away to others, not able to accept my sexuality and struggling with ADHD. I had been in and our of therapy for years. I felt like a hostage in my own life.

    It was the work of Debbie Ford that changed my life. The most surprising thing was that the work, the first step I took to help me reach my dreams, became the embodiment of the dream! Three days spent at a Shadow Process (a 3-day workshop offered by The Ford Institute) transformed my life more than years of therapy. From the moment I walked out of my first Shadow Process, I new that it was my soul’s purpose to become trained to share the life-transforming gifts of this work with others.

    I am now an Integrative Coach sharing this work with others and loving my job, in the process of divorcing, open about my sexuality, laugh at myself whenever I fall into the default mode of asking others what I should do, not taking meds for ADHD, owning my fabulousness and in a wonderful love affair with myself (and someone else as well)!

    What changed?

    The stories and beliefs I held about myself and the world around me. That’s it.

    I recently listened to Amanda’s interview with Rita Wilson and listened to her say that it is the limiting stories and beliefs we hold about ourselves that keep us stuck. She is absolutely correct. All the reasons why we “can’t” or “shouldn’t” are what drive most of the self-sabotage we experience.

    It is these limiting stories and beliefs, who we are supposed to “be”, the meaning we attach to things, the parts of us that we believe are “bad” or “wrong” and try to suppress, that take us out of integrity with ourselves and leave us feeling powerless. They keep us from living a life that is in integrity with our authentic selves. They keep us in repeated patterns of self-sabotage.

    Here is where the difficulty comes in…….. most of the limiting stories and beliefs we hold are unconscious and we have no sense of the extent to which they sabotage our lives, our happiness, our dreams. To be free, it is essential to uncover the unconscious limitations our psyches are placing on us every day so that we may live authentically, happily and peacefully. By denying any part of ourselves, both qualities we consider “good” and “bad”, we are living out of integrity with ourselves.

    When we are out of integrity with ourselves and can’t get what we need from inside of ourselves, guess where we look for it? That’s right, outside of ourselves. The problem is that this is a losing battle. When we look outside ourselves to get our needs met, we are constantly at the mercy of others because we do whatever is necessary to get what we think we “need”. We are hostages because we need something from them. Need to be liked? People please and you will be! Need to feel smart? Know-it -all and you will! Need to feel special? Keep pointing out how special you are to others! Need to feel like you are “good”? Don’t think to much – just do as your told! Need to show that you aren’t greedy? Put everyone else’s needs first! Need to feel that you aren’t arrogant? Play small! Need to feel that you aren’t a know-it- all? Don’t own your intelligence! The list goes on and on.

    But the beauty is that when you become the source of what you need, you achieve the priceless freedom to be who you are. When you can own that all parts of you are beautiful and make you the whole and perfect person that you are, you no longer need to pretend to be anyone else. When you begin to trust and love yourself for the entirety of who you are, you can begin to create the life of your dreams.

    I loved what Lady Gaga said “stop calling your girlfriends, stop calling your mother, look to yourself for the answers”. That’s absolutely the truth – other people are never / never have the answers, they are all within you. But the core love, worth, and confidence of self that we are all born with, must first be reawakened to hear them. By unconcealing the limitations we have unconsciously placed on ourselves and the distorted beliefs we hold about who we are in the world we can begin this process.

  • Laura Hallissey

    I would love to live more independently but at the moment that is not possible. That is my dream.

  • Nicola Alexander


    Thank you for the reply to my note. Coaches do help you to believe in yourself- a key ingredient to getting you to that goal. Mine is to be a diplomat. I went from having this childhood vision of being at the embassy serving, helping, uplifting changing the world one act at a time- to clean energy to green technology banking. With push from a few good people, I finally got the courage to turn to a past diplomat for coaching and advice. He’s not only one of the best coaches you’d ever meet he possess this elegant power of persuasion. During our second meeting he leaned in at the desk look me dead in the eyes and said: “You have all the qualities of being a diplomat, you have a lot more global exposure than most when entering the field, you have strong qualifications and you present yourself well. Go after your dreams now, and don’t let anyone stop you” . Those words changed my life forever. I’m closer than i ever imagined i’d be now with 3 months of effort, than I’ve been with years of trying and having the door shut time and again. Kathy i believe in the power of coaching- putting in the work is what makes the real difference, but the right coach pushes that success factor very high on the scale.

    Best of luck to you all, and thank you to my coaches!

  • Becca Hope

    I’m a young 20 yr old with a very, very embarrassing dream.
    I want to be famous.
    God, sounds so awful to say it!
    I don’t want to be famous for the sake of the attention, I want to do all the things i love on a grand scale.
    I’m a singer (my grandest performance in the safety of my shower), an avid film fan, and I love fashion. I see celebrities going to fashion week and movie premiers and all I can think is I want to do what they do.
    I want to perform, and work on my music with music legends. I want to step out of my house in clothes I’ve designed. And I want to be involved in the magic of the movies. I also write, screenplays, songs and I blog.
    I have a problem. I’m so not brave enough to do any of those things.
    I’m contemplating on auditioning for the xfactor tv show but I don’t have the courage to do it alone! I’m used to singing with a partner, but she’s focused on her own writing career and to be honest, she’s more of a chicken than I am.
    I guess the first step for me would be to audition. Crap cakes.

Every week in your inbox!

  • Exclusive notes and videos from Amanda de Cadenet.
  • Early access to our Limited Space Workshops.
  • Amanda’s Favorites and Special Offers shared with you weekly.
  • Exclusive notes and videos from Amanda de Cadenet.
  • Early access to our Limited Space Workshops.
  • Amanda’s Favorites and Special Offers shared with you weekly.
Subscribe Now

to receive our newsletter every Tuesday.

Sign up here for my Weekly Newsletter and Exclusive Updates: