06.14.12 Truth & Wisdom

Joy Thief

Joy Thief

BY Terri Cole

Are you robbing yourself of a joyful life?

“Comparison is the thief of joy” ~ Dwight Edwards.

What does this quote mean? How does comparing yourself to others rob you of your own joy?

In your search to create your unique, joy-filled life, you must remember that You = The Only ONE.

You will struggle to live a pleasure-filled life if you do not tap into your core self and who you really are and instead waste precious time wondering why you don’t have the job, the looks, the money, the family, etc. etc. etc. that someone else has. Not embracing and celebrating your uniqueness causes you to conform and stuff yourself down, eventually leading to your one-of-a-kind qualities being lost or forgotten. In conforming, you lose your light, which can lead to feelings of depression and powerlessness.

The Ego, or Self, will fall into one of these categories as a way to cope with the loss of empowerment:

1. High Ego – power hungry; self absorbed; focus on external image; needs validation from others; blames/condemns others in order to boost self.
2. Low Ego – no power; codependency; lost/confused; plays martyr; never feels gets what deserves; over carrying and worrying; always doubting self and putting self down.

Interestingly enough, the high and low egos are two sides of the same coin. Both mask their genuine self by looking outside for the answers, are overly concerned with the image they are portraying and are never satisfied.

All of the qualities you deem unacceptable and therefore deny or ignore, become your shadow self. The construction of the shadow self goes back to your upbringing and what qualities were held in esteem. Living in your truth means accepting and embracing all aspects of YOU. Since you are the only you now and evermore, trying to live another’s life is simply impossible.

When you do embrace your entire being, your ego becomes balanced – empowered; identifies self with internal self; lives from and accepts core self (truth); does not have to defend needs but can clearly express them.

Comparing is the opposite of embracing yourself. This week, I want you to answer the following questions to help you reveal your essence and celebrate your uniqueness:

1. What do your friends say about you?
2. What are you known for?
3. What sets you apart?
4. How do you embrace the qualities from #1-3 and accept yourself for possessing them?

Focus on the qualities that set you apart, honor your integrity in all you do and accept your shadow self with kindness. No one else has your unique gifts and talents.

There is not one right way that leads to authentic happiness. Remembering this can help you avoid the comparison trap, which fuels the development of high or low ego. The balanced ego recognizes the many paths to living your truth and loving your life.

Featured Image via Gordon McKinlay on Flicker

Terri Cole, founder and CEO of Live Fearless and Free, is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. For almost two decades, Terri has empowered companies, celebrities, professional athletes, and individuals to Live Fearless and Free through television, radio, and other media appearances, speaking engagements, workshops, and a thriving private practice. Her blueprint for success combines harnessing the power of intention, practical psychology, and thought innovation to create sustainable change. Recently, Terri released her first CD “Meditation Transformation”. She is now in the process of writing her first solo book “Live Fearless and Free ~Transform Fear into Freedom in 6 Simple Steps for Sustainable Change” and co-hosting Live Your Truth Love Your Life, an online group coaching program, with yoga psychotherapist Ashley Turner.


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